


Easy Steps to Ruining a Child’s Life OR The Things Worth Believing In

by chimesDissent



Series: Parentingstuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe, Babies, Domestic, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Main Fic, Miscarriage, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-27
Updated: 2012-08-02
Packaged: 2017-11-08 17:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/445575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimesDissent/pseuds/chimesDissent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here’s what they told Karkat about being a good parent: first, you have to decide that you’re willing and able to take care of a kid; second, everything else is just guesswork.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And we will put the lonesome on the shelf

Liv’s been shooting off the stink eye from across the room for a quarter of an hour now and Karkat figures it’s time to throw a few of broccoli pieces her way as an apology. They bounce a couple of inches in front of her, but she turns her face, and stomps her foot, and Karkat knows that the unspoken apology has been rejected.

It’s not like he can do anything to fix the situation though; John was the one to make the suggestion in the first place.

He had looked so pleased with himself when Karkat had walked through the door, suitcase in hand and tie already yanked loose. John had pulled his tie even more for a welcome home kiss before Karkat had both feet over the doorstep, but Karkat couldn’t find anything to complain about then.

“The girls’ll be here in about a week, so make sure you start picking up your socks by the couch,” John had said as soon as he pulled back, “I want everything to be really nice when they arrive.”

It was easier to be blissfully happy about their arrival when Karkat had failed to take into consideration that Jaspers would be coming along as well.

For the most part, Karkat believed Liv led a very happy life. She had been so tiny when they had brought her home for the first time and it had taken less than a day for John to fall in love.

At night, when supper is finished and the dishes washed, John and Karkat will settle together on the couch to enjoy a quick movie before bed. And it isn’t unusual for Liv to hop up between them, snuggled between their legs.

And though Karkat was hesitant about bringing her home at first, he’s never found himself regretting buying her. 

She’s a pretty good grassbeast, and that’s all there is to say on the matter.

But she hasn’t been too pleased since Jaspers’ arrival.

Rose assured John that Jaspers was a well-behaved cat and wouldn’t bother Liv at all, but John was still cautious and only allowed the two to interact under supervision.

Not that it matters though, seeing as how Liv had secluded herself in her cage the moment Jaspers was let out of his. The cat does nothing more than lay in the sunlit spots on the living room floor, but that is apparently enough offense.

Karkat figures there isn’t much point to worrying over the situation; the girls will only stay for a week before returning home. Liv can survive that.

He shakes his head at Liv’s behavior and returns to cutting up the chunks of broccoli in front of him. Kanaya’s mixing up the spinach and carrots, while giving him a thorough explanation for why Rose needs to keep shoving all these vegetables in her body.

“You are failing to grasp how important it is for humans to receive an adequate amount of vitamins and minerals each day,” she explains, swinging one of the wooden tossers in his direction.

He bats it away, throwing her an annoyed look, “It’s not that I don’t understand; it’s just that I think you might be going a little overboard. John’s human too, and he never shoves this many green things in his mouth at once.”

“You, of all people, should understand how delicate our situation is right now. I’m doing the best I can.”

Karkat looks down at the broccoli in his hands, unable to meet Kanaya’s stare. Her voice had shaken a little there, and he knows he’s gone too far because he’s being his usual insensitive-ass self.

He hears her sigh and risks the chance to look up at her. He doesn’t notice it often, but he sees the way her face has aged. It’s weird thinking about how they aren’t kids any longer, and Karkat knows that these last few sweeps have been more than rough on Rose and Kanaya.

“I know, and I’m sorry,” he says, handing her a few pieces of chopped broccoli. “If you make a list, I can pick up more food items after work tomorrow.”

She accepts his offerings, knowing that he doesn’t mean half the insults he dishes out on a daily basis.

The oven starts to beep, breaking their tension, so he hurries over to shut it off and check on the baked spaghetti.

It looks good, and Karkat thinks he’s getting a better handle on this whole cooking business. John’s been a pretty decent guide, if Karkat doesn’t count John’s multiple attempts to squirt whip cream down his shirt or his eagerness to exchange sugar for salt when Karkat isn’t being attentive.

But Karkat’s learned to be sharp and actually pay attention to everything he’s handling when working in the kitchen, and Karkat sometimes wonders if that was John’s goal in the first place. The man could be strangely brilliant like that at times.

Together, he and Kanaya carry their dishes out to the dining room. John and Rose are sitting at the table and John’s right in the middle of a joke. And although Rose has heard the joke many times before, she always plays the intrigued listener, right up the punch line.

Rose is still laughing as she helps Karkat center the pan of baked spaghetti on the table and he notices how Kanaya watches Rose’s movements. It’s almost like Kanaya thinks Rose might break if she stands up too quickly.

Karkat doesn’t know how they can handle it so calmly, but he really can’t blame Kanaya for her vigilant behavior.

Rose heaps a generous serving of the mixed salad onto her plate and Karkat wonders how long it took for her to become accustomed to all these changes; when she started to accept the restrictions, instead of being blissfully unaware of her need for them.

“So, how has your recent project been coming along, John?”

John finishes piling his own plate with a mound of spaghetti and looks back up at Rose.

“The prototype is nearly finished and Dave’s already agreed to test it out. He’s good with that budgeting stuff, so I think he’ll be able to sort through the calculations quicker than I can.”

“And if the prototype is successful,” Kanaya asks, “then what will you do afterwards?”

John pauses and Karkat knows he’s been trying to work through the ‘what next’ thing for a few weeks now, “I guess I’ll just keep making more and hopefully something will happen.”

Kanaya doesn’t seem satisfied, but Karkat shoots her a look to keep her from making any suggestions. He doesn’t want to see John get frustrated with his predicament, not now when he’s enjoying his visit with Rose.

“Well, I know it’ll be a successful endeavor. And I only hope that Kanaya and I will be some of the lucky few to benefit from your genius handiwork.”

John blushes at the praise, promising Rose that he’ll whip up a new model just for them once the results from Dave arrive.

-

The rest of the week proceeds fairly normally for Karkat. He still has to get dressed and go to work early each day, but now he’s got more than just one human to welcome him home.

He walks into the living room, slipping his damned socks off of his feet and almost drops them at the foot of the couch when he notices Rose lying there. Jaspers is curled in a ball on her stomach, purring away contentedly, and she’s rubbing the space between his shoulders as she rests her eyes.

Karkat takes a moment to examine at her more closely, then. He knows the science and the functions of the human body, as every school-fed troll does, but it still fascinates him to watch a bit of the process in person.

“I can’t tell which one of us you’re staring at,” Rose says, turning her head in Karkat’s direction while opening her eyes, “or are you just admiring the three of us together?”

He stands there, holding his chin in his hand, playing the part of a great thinker. “I was actually appreciating how much of a cheesy photo this looks like.”

She laughs at him, but now that he’s said it, it really does start to look like a good picture. Kanaya, at the very least, would enjoy the sentimentality. “Would you mind, if I actually took a picture, that is?”

Rose shakes her head as he pulls out his phone. “How do you want me poised, oh masterful photographer?”

“Just stay as you are, and stop laughing,” he says, trying to get his camera to stop zooming out of focus, “you’re going to make the cat jump and that’ll ruin the whole setup.”

She settles down even though Jaspers hasn’t moved an inch and Karkat takes a few photos.

When he’s done, he crouches down at the edge of the couch and they look through the pictures together. A few are deleted, either because Karkat’s finger blocked part of the image or because the lighting threw off the contrast. But there’s one picture, just one, that seems to capture all the right feelings.

“This one turned out fairly decent,” Rose says, as she taps the screen with her finger. “Why, I might even hang it on my walls if you were to give me a copy.”

He looks at the photo a little longer, thinking about the promises the image holds. “Are you scared this time?”

Rose sighs, sinking back down on the couch, and Karkat wonders if he should have kept the question to himself.

“I’m more worried for Kanaya,” she says as her fingers start rubbing along Jaspers stomach, “I don’t know if she can handle another one.”

He agrees with her, but it doesn’t answer his question, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you aren’t Kanaya, and I was asking about you. Kanaya and I talk often enough that I can gauge her emotional standpoints, thank you.”

She laughs again, and Karkat appreciates the fact that she takes him as lightly as she does. “Actually, I think I’m going to be okay, but I also think I’m going to throw up.”

Karkat jumps to his feet and struggles to find a way to balance haste with gentleness as he pulls Rose up as well. Jaspers, having jumped off at Karkat’s sudden movements, races in front of them as they rush to the nearest load gaper.

\--

“You are a filthy liar and I will never forgive you, Miss Harley.” 

They are crawling through vine entanglements and Feferi has had just about enough of it. 

“When you said ‘swim,’ I imagined a dip in water, not wading waist deep through tropical plants. When you said ‘rain,’ I imagined liquid falling from the sky, not this awful humidity.”

Jade’s pulling herself over a fallen log and Feferi watches as bits of moss leave stains across her trousers.

“I said ‘rainforest,’ you dope, and the bit about swimming was sarcasm. I thought you enjoyed the fine art of sarcastic remarks?” Jade’s reaching down now to give her a hand up the log, but Feferi has half a mind to ignore Jade’s offer.

She decides that it’s not worth it, though, because the log is almost twice her height and she’s already pretty exhausted from all the hiking around they’ve been doing. “I enjoy sarcasm more when it’s coming out of my own mouth, not when it’s directed at me.”

“Just admit that you weren’t actually paying attention to what I was saying so we can continue our search with less arguing,” Jade says once Feferi is firmly balanced at the top of the log. “And for your information, it is incredibly hard to focus to my surroundings when you’re constantly trying to bicker with me.”

Feferi has the decency to blush at the accusation, “So, I’ve been found out. But you have to admit that life’s more fun when someone’s pestering you, right?”

Feferi knows that Jade is going to make a point of not arguing back with her, but she doesn’t really care. Knowing when to end the bantering is half the fun anyway, and Feferi’s learned to realize when Jade’s reached her daily limit.

Feferi hadn’t been lying when she said that she and Jade were waist deep in the forest, though. It was obvious that only animals came this far in on a regular basis because their machetes were barely helping at all.

They had been traveling for four days now and they seemed nowhere closer to their destination than when they had arrived.

Whatever their destination actually was, Feferi had no idea. That was the spirit of the game that Jade and Bec liked to play.

Business will be going as usual and then suddenly Bec will be standing two feet away, green light still sparking through the air, and Jade will give Feferi five minutes to prepare for a new adventure. When Feferi gives the okay, Bec will teleport the two of them to whatever new area needs to be explored.

There are no clues provided, but Feferi figures that’s what Jade likes most about their game. The only thing the two of them know is that their discovery should help with their Denizen Quest.

When they’ve found the correct item or person or whatever, Bec will return and Jade will request to go somewhere nice next. Sometimes Bec will obey, but often he’ll just leave them wherever he chooses.

Over the years, Feferi’s gotten pretty used to it and she’s actually learned to enjoy the art of adventuring, at least as long as Jade is at her side.

“I think that’s a Wollemia nobilis; we might actually be in Australia!” Jade says, pointing to at a tree in the distance. “That’s really close to our island. We definitely have to stop by there now.”

She retrieves a telescope from her sylladex, zooming in to get a better look, "They are such nice looking trees; it’s a shame they’re endangered.”

She passes the telescope to Feferi, and Feferi focuses on the seed cones hanging from the branches, “This tree looks a bit young, but maybe once it matures, we can collect a few seeds and help it out.”

“How do you always have the best idea?” Jade asks, smiling at her.

Feferi can’t help but smile back and she leans forward to deliver a kiss, “It’s a special quality that happens to belong only to me, don’t you agree?”

They continue through the forest and Jade occasionally points out different creatures. Feferi doesn’t mind the extra knowledge, but these sightings would be much more exciting if they were in the water, exploring those hidden wonders instead.

They come to a thick patch of foliage, and Feferi makes a move to start clearing a path with her machete, when there's suddenly a quick flash of green light before her.

"Good boy, Bec, you've found us!" Jade throws herself around his neck, pressing her face to his cheek.

Feferi comes up beside them, "I’m not about to complain about getting out of here, but what exactly was our discovery?"

Jade pulls back, giving Bec a curious look. "Do we need to gather a bit of these plants, boy?"

"He’s never come before we've collected, though. It's a bit strange." 

Captchaloguing her machete, Feferi reaches down and rubs the top of Bec’s head, but before she can even complete the motion, the space around them pulls tight and Feferi watches as the universes races in front of them.

Feferi feels her auricular sponge clots pinch, and suddenly they're back on the island.

Jade stands, pulling her arms free of Bec’s neck, and Bec takes off, heading into the forest towards the volcano. 

Jade sprints after him, shouting for him to slow down, and Feferi feels a tightness in her shoulders; this setting just seems all wrong. She races after Jade, easily catching up with her as they make their way between the overgrown trees and bushes. "I’ve had just about enough of these leafy burdens and I’ll be thankful when this day is done."

Jade doesn’t respond, but Feferi didn’t really believe she would in the first place.

There’s a bit of clearing ahead of them and Feferi can see Bec standing above a crumpled mass lying on the ground. He's staring at them, as if trying to convey a sense of understanding at what happened. But Feferi doesn’t have the same connection with the barkbeast as Jade does, so she can only hope Jade is able to translate correctly.

Jade doesn’t scream or cry or do any of the things Feferi would have imagined a weaker-willed human to do. But she does sink down, placing her fingers to her adult human lusus' neck, checking bodily temperature and pulse.

After a moment, Jade hands her lusus’ gun to Feferi and cradles the man's body in her arms. She lifts him and her shoulders give a small shake, but Feferi knows it’s not because of his weight. 

Bec places himself at Jade’s side and together they walk back to the hive. 

For a moment, Feferi stays back, and she watches as Jade's figure moves away from her and Feferi remembers all the reasons why she fell in love with this human woman.

-

It’s only been four days since they were teleported back to the island, but Feferi feels like it’s been a month.

Jade had Grandpa Harley set up in bed by the time Feferi had followed them up to his respiteblock. He looked a bit better once he wasn’t lying on the forest floor, but he had slept through the whole day and most of the night.

He woke up with a series of coughs and Feferi had to push him back down as he attempted to climb from the bed. Jade had rushed in when she heard the commotion and was able to get him settled, but Feferi could tell that the old man was irritated at his predicament.

“He just doesn’t understand that he’s getting older now,” Jade explained, “and he doesn’t want to admit that maybe he shouldn’t be hunting in the forest by himself anymore.”

It was hard for Feferi to watch as Jade also struggled to admit that her lusus was being compromised by age.

They were able to move Grandpa Harley to the den this morning and Bec has since taken to sleeping on the man’s feet, keeping him in place. Jade, after being shooed away, wandered up to the laboratory and Feferi decided it was time for a swim.

The water is cool against her skin and Feferi does a few flips in the water to watch as her hair drags around her. She pulls her fingers through the water, creating and bursting tiny bubbles in her trail. If she wasn’t so drawn to Jade, she doesn’t think she would ever leave.

She hears the whispers start after a while. They’re quiet, but Feferi races towards them, eager to meet what calls her.

Gl'bgolyb’s many tentacles race out to greet her, and Feferi can’t help but wrap her arms around a smaller one, letting herself be pulled in.

The whispers have grown louder and Feferi basks in the resonance. Her lusus has always been the most beautiful, in Feferi’s opinion; and her Gl’bgolyb’s voice is just as fascinating.

Fish swim between them as they talk and Feferi shares her distress at Jade’s situation. She knows that Gl’bgolyb is always willing to listen, even if she can’t offer any advice.

She’s worried for Jade because it’s hard to lose a lusus, especially considering how much Jade adores her grandpa. And she wonders how the man will cope with his newfound limitations; how hard it must be to trap a wild creature. It seems as absurd as tossing Gl’bgolyb into a tiny lake, instead of the great ocean.

But Feferi isn’t angry, or even really upset, that their traveling and exploring will have to be put on hold. Because Feferi will still have Jade at her side, and now she’ll also have her beloved lusus nearby as well.

The whole ocean is hers to play in for now, but Feferi knows she won’t stray too far.

\-- 

There is always litter sprinkled across the hardwood floor and Kanaya is seriously starting to consider laying down a sticky mat so she doesn’t have to keep cleaning it up twice a day.

She entertains the idea before letting that little bubble burst because she knows that sticky paper would just cause Jaspers to find a new area to relieve himself, and Kanaya really doesn’t need to worry about any extra messes right now.

She’s already counting down the days before she will no longer have to be the sole person to clean the litter box. But she’s read the research, and she knows the dangers, and whenever Rose steps too close to the box, Kanaya is there to push her away.

It’s a dangerous job, but Kanaya has made the commitment.

“I see my personal savior is once again hard at work.” Rose is sitting at the kitchen counter, finishing off a plate of grilled asparagus. “Let me know when you’re ready to leave.”

Kanaya dumps the dust pan of spilled kitty litter into the garbage before standing up to clean her hands. “As always, I am ready and willing to serve.”

Rose laughs as Kanaya takes a deep bow while drying her hands, and Kanaya feels her earlier irritation slip away.

“Let me go start the car and then we can head out.”

Rose nods and eats the last asparagus spear, “And before you ask, I have my list of questions already stored.”

Kanaya heads outside, retrieving the car and turns it on. She’s about to go back inside to fetch Rose when she sees her already making her way across the lawn ring. A spark of worry races through her body and Kanaya can barely keep herself seated. 

She wants to go out, grab Rose’s hand, and guide her to the car; guarding her from any dangers that might lie in waiting between their hive and the car. But Kanaya knows she’s overreacting, and she doesn’t want to make Rose agitated by being overbearing again.

It’s hard, though, being so worried while trying to act calm. Kanaya doesn’t need another breakdown; she doesn’t think she can handle seeing Rose like that again.

The drive to the perinatologist’s office is long, but they’re used to the trips. There are times when Kanaya thinks that she talks to the doctor more than she talks to her own lusus, but she knows these visits are necessary.

Rose works on her current knitting project while they sit in the waiting room. It looks like it’s turning into a pair of tiny socks and Kanaya feels a little bubble of hope.

A nurse calls them back after a while and Kanaya holds the half-completed sock and bag of knitting supplies as Rose is weighed and questioned. She hands them back when they’re moved to Dr. Duncan’s room and Rose continues to work.

Dr. Duncan arrives with a kind smile and a warm welcome shortly after. Kanaya had first been worried about the woman’s abilities; she was older and there was always a chance that this doctor held onto obsolete medical beliefs. But the woman has since proved her knowledge and skills many times over and Kanaya has long forgotten her doubts.

Dr. Duncan settles herself into her chair and rolls it closer to them. “Good morning ladies, it’s nice to see you again. How are we feeling today?”

They follow the usual pattern of questions: frequency of morning sickness, diet, abnormal pains and aches, amount of exercise. Rose retrieves her small journal and Dr. Duncan reads through her notes. Sometimes it worries Kanaya when she sees Rose entering large passages, but Dr. Duncan seems to appreciate the information Rose records.

“Your weight seems good this morning,” Dr. Duncan says, handing Rose back her journal, “and you haven’t written down anything that might indicate any recent complications.”

“I’ve been feeling quite well, all circumstances considered,” Rose stores her journal and pulls out her list, “but there are a few questions I would like to ask before we make our trip. First off, how frequently do you recommend we stop?”

Dr. Duncan answers each question as thoroughly as she can and Kanaya retrieves a pen and notebook to write everything down.

“I know driving to Washington will be quite time consuming, but I really do believe it is the safer alternative to flying.” Rose nods as Dr. Duncan continues, “I want to avoid as many dangers as possible with this pregnancy.”

Kanaya grabs Rose’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, “We know you’d prefer that we cancel our trip, but I believe the visit will be beneficial to Rose and I. They are good friends of ours and they will take care of us.”

-

When they get back home, Rose lays down on the couch for a short nap and Kanaya heads up to their respiteblock to continue packing.

They’re planning on heading out early tomorrow, but they’re not sure of when they’ll arrive. Kanaya’s mapped out several rest points for exercise, as well as multiple hotels if they need to stop and sleep for additional nights. 

Dr. Duncan suggested pinpointing hospitals along their route in case of an emergency, so Kanaya is gathering and storing the information in her GPS when she hears the first few notes of the violin.

It’s soft and deep, but Kanaya can hear it echo through the whole of their hive.

She looks down at the floor and imagines Rose playing in the block below her. The song is slow, and Kanaya can almost tell that Rose hasn’t played for a while. 

It feels like only a short time ago that Rose had played for their first child. They had been so excited back then, anxious too, to tell everyone the good news. But they had been patient; waiting for their doctor’s okay before calling their closest friends.

Rose had started playing because she had read that babies could still hear the music in the womb. Kanaya had thought it would be a great way to bond with the child while it was still developing, and most evenings they would tuck themselves into the couch and Rose would play.

She looked so beautiful, and she looked so alive.

But then that night had come.

And the music stopped.

For a while, they had hardly spoken to each other; so wrapped up in their guilt and anger that they almost forgot about the other.

Kanaya wonders if maybe she could have helped Rose cope if she hadn’t have been so consumed by her own emotions. Maybe she could have prevented her decline; maybe she could have been a better wife. She wonders, but she never finds any answers.

But years have gone by since the loss of their first child, years and two more babies.

There are times when Kanaya feels almost like an expert in grief. And she wonders if this is how all parents feel when they bury their children.

But experience has taught Kanaya well and instead of retreating into herself, she’s learned to gather Rose into her arms, cradling her and crying with her. Because they can’t be alone, not now, not when everything already feels like it’s been taken away again.

And they grieve together and the others grieve with them, and slowly, 

so, 

so, 

slowly, the holes in their chests start to mend.

She waits until Rose tells her she’s ready again and Kanaya always wonders if maybe they’ll be successful this time.

They had invested so much into this future they had planned out, living out their lives as mothers. 

And when Rose says she’s ready, Kanaya packs her up and drives her to the clinic, and they start the procedure over again.

Rose always looks so determined, and Kanaya always thinks she looks brave. 

But Kanaya has grown scared to become attached to each potential child and she can tell that Rose has too. They do so much to have a healthy pregnancy, talking with so many doctors, reading through so many articles, worrying about absolutely anything that could cause their child harm. And they are still overwhelmed with so much fear.

This one seems different though, and Rose has stayed pregnant for much longer than she had with the other three.

They’re getting hopeful again, and maybe even a bit excited.

It’s starting to feel real and possible and Kanaya just wants to cry.

And she sits on their bed and presses her hands to her eyes, trying to stop the green liquid from squeezing out, and she thinks. 

Because she wants this child so much, but she doesn’t understand why she couldn’t have the others as well. 

Because she’s so worried that they could be wrong about this one and soon there’ll be another stone with another name and they’ll breakdown just like all the other times before.

Because Kanaya just wants Rose to be happy.

That’s all she really wants and she can’t even be successful in that endeavor.

And when the music fades away, Kanaya stands, wiping her eyes, and returns to packing. 

They have to be ready to leave by tomorrow because they both need this trip. This is their way of telling themselves that things might just be okay. 

And John will twirl Rose around, using steady hands to keep her balanced, and Karkat will shake his head at their antics, but he will give Kanaya a longwinded congratulations and reluctantly agree to grubsit, or, wait, babysit, is that the human term? And Kanaya will laugh at him because he knows the correct terminology but he’s getting flustered and anxious at the possibilities.

Later that night, when they’re tucked together and close to sleep, Kanaya will share her fears with Rose. But Rose will turn around and pull Kanaya to her chest, knowing just how to angle her face so she doesn’t get scratched by a sharp horn. 

They’ll stay like this, even as they fall asleep, and she will listen to Rose’s heartbeat and Kanaya will think she hears a second heart beating along with it.

\--

The city is hot, it’s always so hot, and Dave wonders if it’s time to pack up and move away. Maybe head to Alaska so he doesn’t have to feel like he’s sweating his skin off by the time he drags himself out of bed.

The windows are open and the fans are blowing, but the sweat keeps dripping from his hair and he figures it’s time for a shower anyway. Why worry about the water bill when you could die from heatstroke any moment now?

He’s grateful that Bro let him keep the apartment, and he’s even more grateful that Bro took all of his weird shit with him when he moved out of the city.

The apartment felt bare after he left, but Dave had Terezi move in pretty quick and they’ve accumulated a large amount of crap over the years.

He kicks a few scalemates out of his way to the bathroom and decides that he might try to be productive today.

Maybe.

Dave’s still wrapped in his towel, letting the heat of the city do its work on drying his skin, when the crow flies in. It lands on the bed, hopping towards Dave in search of a snack. Dave keeps a bag of food under the bed, so he pulls out a handful of crumbs and lets the bird eat off the bed as he unclips the camera.

It’s taken a bit of time, but he’s gotten these little beasts fairly well trained. He set up an open bird coop on the roof and attaches tiny cameras to their chests when they’re in the mood for holding still. The camera’s set to take a photo every hour as the bird flies around the city.

Usually the images are a blurred mess, or pictures of other birds’ chests, or a close-up of a taxi’s windshield. Dave thinks those are the best, but John’s always telling him that there’s no artistic value in those; it’s just a bird being a dumbass bird.

But every once in a while John will see a picture he likes and Dave will print it, frame it, and mail it to John. He knows when John’s hung them up because Karkat always calls him to yell about how he needs to stop trying to ruin the house’s décor.

He's hoping that the bird brought in some good pictures this time; you can only get excited about lamp posts and sunsets after so many shots.

Dave stands, and figures it’s probably time to get dressed anyway, since it’s already mid-afternoon. 

He sends off a few messages to Jade, even though she’s offline. He thinks it’s pretty shitty that she has to go through all this stuff with her grandpa, so he sends her some lines that might make her day better before heading into his closet.

Bro spent a good amount of time converting it into a fairly functional dark room. It’s small, but they were able to squeeze in an area for running water, a couple of electrical outlets, and a vent near the top of the room to keep the fumes from clogging up. Bro might have had some weird hobbies himself, but he always had a knack for encouraging in the more artistic interests in Dave.

Dave didn’t really care as a kid; he just wanted to keep screwing around with all different sets of equipment.

For the irony, of course, never for the art.

-

It's getting late in the evening. Even in the dark room, he's always been good at being aware of time. It used to freak Bro out and he'd make jokes about clocks being set in Dave's bones. Dave used to place his wrists against his ears, hoping to hear a slight tick, but he never did hear a sound.

He wraps up his projects before heading out to the kitchen.

Terezi should be coming home soon, so it’s best he starts up dinner now.

Rose has sent him enough recipes with step by excruciating step of instructions, and Dave figures cooking's not really that big of a deal once he's got a system down.

It's just a lot of time and a lot of messing around, and those are two of his favorite things.

He feels out a box of rotini, with three colors because Tz likes excitement in her meals, and he sets to work on supper.

A man's got to make sure his woman's well fed after a hard day of work.

Dave hears the slight jingle of keys before he sees Terezi coming in.

She shuts the door and walks over to the couch, leaning her cane against an arm rest before throwing herself full-body on the cushions. "Why do other people suck so much?"

He can hardly hear her through the cushions, but he knows what she's getting at. "Probably because we've already sucked up all the cool in the world. Pretty hard to be amazing when the resources are freshly dried up."

"If we donate some of our coolness back, will people stop being judgmental assholes?"

Man, she looks bone-tired.

"No can do about that. Some people just need the sense beat into them." Dave can already guess at what's happened today, but he figures he'll just wait until Terezi wants to bring it up herself. No use dragging out tough emotions before she’s ready for them. "Dinner'll be ready in a sec, though, babe."

"It smells bright today," she says, lifting her head up and breathing deep.

"Chose the best colors just for you. Told that paste it had no reason to be some plain yellow. Got that pasta some rainbow ink. Changed that pasta's life for the better."

Terezi cracks a wide mouth grin and Dave thinks he handles his job as a man-wife pretty well.

She pulls herself off the couch and starts cleaning up their small table. There's various papers spread out, usually printouts of employment opportunities and notes about interviews. She taken her quest pretty seriously and Dave’s starting to feel a bit agitated for her since she keeps getting turned down.

People always say they want diversity in their working environments, but as soon as someone else starts to feel uncomfortable, then those executive decisions get made and everyone's forced back into sameness.

Except, Tz can't change the fact that she was hatched blind, so no one even gives her a chance.

Not that she should need to prove her abilities, though. Her lusus made damn sure that Terezi would be fine on her own.

"I'm getting real sick of being turned away at the door before I can even show that I know my stuff," she says, moving the papers to the floor before setting out the plates. "What's the point of having a statement about not turning away people based on disabilities if you don’t follow through? It's just so backhanded!" 

The pasta looks good, finally, so Dave carries the pot over to table, placing it on a towel. "Bring dragonmom with you to the next interview. She'll roar in their faces and they'll hire you on the spot." 

"I'd rather she just eat them, but I can't be hired by a person being digested in my lusus. Enough about my shitty day, though," Terezi says, passing over the serving spoon, "Made any progress yourself?"

Dave takes the spoon, scooping out his own serving. "Got some photos up and developing. Who knows, might get some good ones this time."

Terezi lets out a sigh and Dave figures that's not the answer she really wanted her hear.

"I thought you were going to start looking around for jobs today. You're the one who said funds were coming in low this month."

"Don't fret your pretty self, Tz, I'll call Bro tonight and he'll wire us some boonbucks by morn’."

Terezi still doesn't look please, "Dave, when are you going to release your suctioning orifice from your human lusus' milk producing gland?"

"Well, if that ain't a harsh thing to say."

"But it's the truth! We're both adults, and as sad as it might be, there's a time when you have to let go. Your human lusus might never hesitate about taking care of you when you ask, but isn't it time you show him that he raised you well enough to fly on your own?"

Her mouth is firm and Dave can tell she means it more this time than she did last week.

Fuck, how hard is it for her to understand that he just doesn't know what to do. He brings in enough to help her pay school loans back with his webcomics, but that's not always enough. He can't just pick a hobby at random and decide he's going to devote the rest of his life to it. She had it easy, always knowing where her main passion lied. 

"I gotcha, Tz. I'll call Bro tonight, but then I'll sit down and start looking over things. Satisfied?"

He knows she's probably not, but it's the most he feels like doing now.

\--

John’s right in the middle of hanging a new photo from Dave, nail pinched between fingers, hammer at the ready, too expensive of a frame for a Dave Strider photo held between his legs, when Jade and Bec land at the bottom of the stairs.

She’s out of breath, but she’s smiling and John knows at once. He props the frame against the wall and leaves the hammer and nail beside it before jumping down the steps to head into the kitchen.

“Karkat’s still at work,” he yells while checking Liv’s food and water before locking her cage.

Jade nods after entering the kitchen, “Do you think he’ll get fired for a dog showing up at his work?”

Grabbing his keys, John goes to each door to secure the house, “This is Karkat; do you think he’ll actually care?”

John looks around, mentally checking each part of the house. He doesn’t know how long he’ll be gone, but he knows he doesn’t want to risk missing anything if he forgets something. He can always call Casey to take care of Liv if they’re gone for too long; she knows where the spare key is hidden.

This is a great day, an exciting day. Everyone has been waiting for this day for far too long.

“I’m ready, Jade,” he says, taking ahold of her hand, “but do you think everyone else is?”

Bec comes to their side and Jade lays her other hand on his head, “No idea, but I think we’re about to find out!”

Karkat looks like he’s right in the middle of a speech, or a rant, John can’t actually tell anymore. John doesn’t really want to butt in because Karkat’s voice is passionate and he’s pointing his fingers at all sorts of workers and John just thinks he look magnificent. 

But time is ticking and they have something even more magnificent to witness.

“Karkat, the baby is coming right now!” Jade’s scream echoes through the whole of the room and John can hardly keep from laughing as everyone’s heads turn to face them and Karkat’s arm slowly drops back to his side.

He looks like he’s stuck on pause, so John parts the crowd of confused employees to tug Karkat off the chair he’s been standing on, “It’s time for us to become a pair of uncles. Do you think you’re going to be alright?”

Karkat nods, but he doesn’t speak and John figures that’s good enough for now. There’s still an aisle between the two groups of people, so John laces his fingers with Karkat’s and walks him over to Jade and Bec.

“We’re really sorry for barging in on your lecture like that, but we really have to get going. So, uh, I guess you can all go back to work now.” John doesn’t really know what else to say, but Jade’s already grabbed his arm and the crowd disappears before he can keep going.

“The baby’s going to erupt from Rose’s stomach before everyone arrives if you keep working at this pace.” Feferi’s standing in front of them as they land in the hospital hallway. John doesn’t see Kanaya anywhere, but he figures she’s won’t be leaving Rose’s side until after the birth.

“You still don’t grasp the basics of birth, clearly,” and Jade and Bec disappear again to retrieve Dave and Terezi.

Feferi leads them to the set of chairs set against the wall and John pulls the chairs at an angle so they can look at each other.

“I really hope you don’t actually think that’s what human birth is all about?”

Feferi laughs and pushes her shoulder against John’s, “Jade’s sat me down to watch so many animal birth videos in the past few months. I’m actually more disgusted than the time Mr. Ellis made us watch those human sex-ed videos.”

“God, those were the worst! Do you remember how terrible that music was?” John presses a hand against his face and shuts his eyes.

“At least you sat behind Gabby. That girl was so tall and all you had to do was crouch down in your seat to avoid watching that horrible film! I actually had to watch it because every time I shut my eyes for longer than five seconds, Mr. Ellis would kick the back of my chair.”

“That’s because you were making it too obvious that you were trying to sleep!” John has to laugh then, “Why are we bringing all of these horrible memories back?”

“That’s a good question, John, because I really don’t understand why, of all times, you and Feferi think now is a perfect opportunity to reminisce about your embarrassing school-feeding memories?”

Karkat actually looks pretty nervous right now, so John swings an arm around his shoulders and pulls him close. He’s about to spew all the stuff that makes Karkat blush and flail and calm down, but suddenly there’s another ‘pop’ and 3 more people are standing in front of them.

Feferi makes a show of checking her wrist, “Wow, only two hours later. That’s a lot of progress, Jade!”

“Oh, shush. At least these two didn’t have twenty tasks to complete before we could bring them in.” Jade settles herself on the chair next to Feferi, leaning back and stretching now that her work is done, and Terezi sits down next to Karkat.

“You see, Harley, that’s the benefit to not being responsible adults,” Dave says, sitting on Terezi’s other side.

Terezi taps her cane against Dave’s leg, “Speak for yourself, mister can’t-settle-on-a-career, I’m busting my troll buttocks.”

John feels, more than he hears, Karkat let out his groan of frustration.

It gets quiet, then, and John wonders if everyone else is thinking the same thoughts as he is. 

He wants this baby to be born, healthy and beautiful and bright, but he knows there’s always the chance that things could go wrong.

He wants to see everyone jump up and crowd around the new addition to their odd little family and he wants to know what it feels like to hold something so new and precious.

Most of all, he wants to see Rose and Kanaya be happy because they deserve to be the parents they’ve hoped to be for so long now.

But he knows, even if everything goes wrong, no one here would hesitate to gather around Rose and Kanaya, cradling them in their love and support, and together they would grieve as one.

John doesn’t want that, he doesn’t even want it to be a possibility. But it is, and everyone has accepted it.

“Where’d your lusus head to?” Karkat says, after clearing his throat a little. John thinks me might be trying to lighten the mood again, so he squeezes the shoulder his hand is draped over.

Jade takes a moment to realize that Karkat’s question was directed at her, “Oh, uh, he actually went back to look after Grandpa. Rose said the hospital staff would try to kick us out if they saw him inside.”

Everyone starts to talk after that, feeling a bit more relaxed again. They stop and stare at every nurse and doctor that walks in and out of the room before them, hoping to gather any updates on Rose’s progress. But no one ever stops to talk to them and the room has been strangely silent for a while now.

Dave keeps trying to crane his head to get a look into the room whenever the door opens, but he always shakes his head, saying that he can only see walls or equipment or nurses’ fine asses.

It’s frustrating being so uninformed, but John figures that’s what happens when you’re not actually blood related to the women you call sisters.

Hours drag by and they start to get restless. Jade offers to get snacks after a while and Dave volunteers to help carry everything. There isn’t much to do besides eat and talk, so John figures he can get by with grabbing a bit of sleep.

He yawns, and scoots himself as close to Karkat as he can. The armrest is digging into his side, but he opts to ignore it as he tucks his head into the space between Karkat’s head and shoulder. “Wake me when the excitement happens,” and he feels Karkat nod as he drifts to sleep.

-

It’s actually the sudden rush of the nurses that rouse John, but he feels Karkat shake his shoulder right after that, so he sits up, rubs his eyes, and looks around at the others.

Dave’s started pacing, but he keeps trying to play it cool, like he’s just stretching his legs and his quick looks at the door are just him working out his neck muscles. Terezi’s leaning forward in her chair, her chin resting on top of her cane. John can’t tell if she’s anxious and good at hiding it or actually bored, but he’d rather not ask.

Feferi’s unbraiding Jade’s hair (John wishes he would have thought about doing that, too, to pass the time) and Jade is wiggling under her fingers like she’s ready to burst through the doors and perform the delivery herself, angry doctors be damned.

And Karkat, well, Karkat’s just sort of sitting there, straight-backed and rigid, and John thinks that maybe he should have spent more time talking about human birth processes after supper because maybe Karkat’s getting a bit too freaked out by what’s happening behind those doors.

John stretches his arms into the air and then leans over to press a kiss into Karkat’s cheek. “How long was I out?”

Karkat blinks and turns his body to face John, “Just close to an hour, actually.”

John wants to keep the questions going to help Karkat ease back down, but suddenly there’s a pained groan from behind the doors and all the thoughts racing through John’s head just come to a halt.

There’s no anguished screams or threatening curses directed at Kanaya, and John thinks that Rose might be taking this delivery pretty well, but then there’s a few more groans and a lot of nurses talking and John figures he doesn’t really have any experience to judge Rose’s reactions.

Everyone’s pretty much stopped moving, but they’re all looking at the door, hoping that they’ll hear some doctor’s joyous call so they can all attempt to peak into the room as the kid gets cleaned up.

John forgets how much time passed while waiting, but he remembers Karkat reaching over the arm rest to clutch their hands together, and only a moment later there’s a new voice giving a little gurgle and then a crackled scream and everyone’s standing up to press against the door and listen to the kid’s first several minutes in the new world.

A nurse almost smacks them with the door as he attempts to invite them in, and John can barely apologize for their eagerness as they squeeze past him.

Rose looks exhausted, but she lights up as they come up to her. Dave bends down and presses a kiss against her forehead and Jade asks how she’s feeling.

“I’m sorry, Jade, but I don’t think I’ll be able to go into too much detail tonight,” Rose says, giving her a smile, “so I’ll be brief: relieved, and tired. I’d like to sleep, but she’ll need to feed soon.”

John sees Karkat try to peer into the bundle tucked in Kanaya’s arms, but Kanaya’s already depositing the baby to Rose’s chest.

The baby’s face is full of soft curves and there’s already a thick mat of hair on her tiny head. She wiggles a bit while settling into feeding and John feels all of his earlier worries ease out of his head.

Karkat steps away from John’s side and walks over to Kanaya. He pulls her into a hug and tells her how proud he is for them and John watches as she pulls Karkat even tighter.

After a while, the doctors and nurses pack and leave, giving them the room talk and awe at the baby.

She sleeps and eats while they talk, and after about an hour Rose is asking if Dave wants to try holding her. 

He starts a little, like he can’t actually believe she’s offering, but then he’s bending over and she’s settling the kid into his arms. He holds her for a moment, looking at her face, before he re-adjusts his hold to free up an arm and push his sunglasses to the top of his head. “Hey darlin’, hope you like us because we sure won’t be leaving soon.”

Jade peers over Dave’s arm to get a better look, “Have you thought of a name, yet?”

Rose pushes herself up in her bed and Kanaya comes to sit next to her. They look at each other for a moment and Kanaya nods before Rose speaks, “We’ve decided on Karmini.”

“Wow! It’s so good to meet you, Karmini.” Jade says, securing her arms under the baby as Dave passes her over. “I promise we’ll be the best family you could ever hope for.”

It’s like a game of hot potato after that, only the opposite because everyone wants a turn but no one really wants to let go.

Terezi gives Karmini a final lick on the forehead, making a small tuft of hair stick up, and then walks straight up to Karkat and tells him to hold out his arms.

Karkat looks to Kanaya and she gives a short chuckle while telling him to be brave, but then she’s helping him position his arms and Terezi sets Karmini into them.

John doesn’t think he’s seen Karkat so nervous before, even during their first date when Karkat was fretting about everything being a huge mess. But Karmini gurgles and Karkat’s shoulders relax a bit and soon he’s tentatively bouncing her in his arms, while making short clicking noises at her.

Karkat gives a small smile at her gurgles and makes his way over to John, telling him that it’s his turn.

John thinks it might be how easily she fit into his arms, or maybe how clear her eyes are as she looks around the room trying to find her mothers’ faces again, but John feels his heart give a tight squeeze and he wonders if anything is going to be the same after this day.

He doesn’t want it to, though, because he thinks things are going to be a lot brighter.

\--

John’s been acting a bit different around him for a few weeks now and Karkat’s starting to worry if maybe he said or did something to irritating and John hasn’t worked up the nerve to scold him about it yet.

He tries hard to think about their last several conversations, but nothing seems off even though Karkat can tell that something is different.

He looks over at John right now and wonders if he can discover what’s bothering John if he analyzes him closely enough.

John’s currently wrapping cobs of corn in tin foil, carefully tearing and folding each metal piece so it doesn’t rip (and Karkat knows how easily it does because John usually has to intervene when Karkat pokes too many holes with his nails or when he yanks too hard in haste to just cook and eat).

They’re grilling outside today because John said he wanted to admire his and Jade’s recent progress on the garden. She’s been popping into the lawn ring regularly to get a bit of extra energy worked out of her system now that she’s pretty much stuck on the island.

Karkat can always appreciate her company and he knows John does as well because he usually pulls Liv’s cage outside while he helps Jade pull weeds and decide on where each new flower should be planted.

Maybe John’s hit another roadblock with his prototype, but doesn’t want to bother Karkat with it? Maybe if Karkat brought it up first, then John wouldn’t be so hesitant about sharing details?

Karkat just wishes he understood why relationships are still complicated even though he’s been with John for so many years now.

“So, how the generator been working? Any problems recently?” There, he’s laid it out in the open and now John can complain to him without believing himself to be a bother.

John looks up from the potatoes he’s wrapping up now, “Nah, no problems there.”

“You sure? No, uh, motor difficulties like last time?”

“Actually, I’m just about finished with writing the installation instructions for Dave, so I’ll be shipping it off on Monday,” John says, shaking his head, “Hey! If you want, I can send off Rose’s picture now that we’ve got it framed and everything.”

“I think it actually turned out fairly decent. I hope the girls will like it.”

“I know they’ll love it; it’s a really sweet gesture.” John’s smiling at him now, “Are you trying to make me remember why I fell in love with you, you big softie?”

Karkat can’t fight the blush that works its way into his cheeks, but he also can’t let himself get distracted from his current mission. “I’m doing no such thing. I’m merely trying to express my emotion that is friendship.”

John laughs then and Karkat’s stuck back at square one. If it’s not John’s generator giving him problems then maybe…

“How’s Jade doing? I missed her last visit.” Alright, Jade is so close to John, maybe her recent worries are starting to rub off on him, too.

“Hmm, I think she’s alright, all things considered.” John turns and looks at the freshly planted hydrangeas against the fence. “I hope you don’t mind her coming over and adding all these new things to the garden.”

Karkat looks at the bushes too. They’re a bit small now, but Karkat’s sure they’ll be growing and blooming in the next couple years. “Of course not, she’s got to get her head into some fresh air every once in a while. What’re a few less patches of grass compared to that?”

John nods and works his way over to the grill, adding the freshly wrapped potatoes and corn. “Yeah, I’m just glad she can get away for a while every week. It’s gotta be pretty tough on everyone right now.”

Karkat agrees because he knows he’d want to take care of his lusus if something made Crabdad (as John always insists on calling him) ill or injured, but it would be hard being stuck at his old grubhive. He’s so invested in the home he’s built up with John that the thought of being away from it for too long makes him nervous. 

This hive has come to represent how much progress John and him have made through the years, and Karkat wonders if maybe Jade and Feferi’s expeditions meant the same thing for them?

“Now that everything’s cooking, it shouldn’t take too much longer,” John says, flipping the hamburgers in front of him, “do you think you can bring out the plates and drinks?”

Karkat obliges, and pretty soon the table is set and John is filling up their plates.

“This tastes great, John,” and Karkat really does mean it, “thanks for cooking tonight.”

John waits until he finishes chewing his bite, “Thanks, dude. And you know I just didn’t want you to have another freak out while attempting to grill.”

“The coals take too damn long to heat up and you know it.”

“Hehe, but that’s what helps make everything taste so great.” Karkat doesn’t want to agree, but that doesn’t stop him from taking another bite.

“Actually, Karkat, I have something I’d like to talk with you about.” Karkat hears the hesitance in John’s voice and he thinks that maybe he’s about to find out what’s been bothering John for so long now.

“Of course,” Karkat says, making sure to meet John’s eyes, “you know we can always talk.”

John takes a big breath, like he’s trying to prepare himself for some sort of disaster and Karkat’s starting to doubt if he really wants to hear what John has to say. “You really like Karmini, right?”

Well, that was unexpected. “Sure I do, as much as you can love something that can only scream, poop, and stare into space. And I don’t mean to brag, but it might actually be a lot.”

John looks a bit relieved, but now Karkat’s getting confused. “Okay, well, I’ve been thinking, and it doesn’t have to be right away or anything; you should have some time to think about it, too. Like, I don’t want to make any rush decisions because that would just really be a bunch of dumb choices all wrapped into one huge failure. But this has been on my mind for a while now and I just want to know how you feel. Before I get too attached to the idea, that is, I mean, the possibilities.”

“John, stop,” Karkat says, putting a hand up to John’s mouth, “I don’t actually understand what you’re trying to ask.”

John looks down at his plate of food and Karkat tentatively removes his hand.

“Karkat, how would be feel about being a dad because I think I really want to be one now.”

This is not what Karkat was expecting at all.

-

It’s been an irritating day at work and Karkat is ready to be home and spend some time with John. All he wants to do is eat some good food, lay on the couch, and maybe take a nap on John’s lap while watching Jurassic Park.

John had been understanding when Karkat asked if he could use that extra time to think about things and Karkat’s gracious. He knows why John’s smitten with the idea of being a dad; Karmini is actually pretty cute, even for a wrinkled human baby. 

He wonders if maybe John’s ‘biological clock,’ or whatever that’s called, started ticking when Karmini arrived, though Karkat’s pretty sure that’s usually only for human females and Jade hasn’t said anything about wanting a kid of her own.

And he knows that John would be a good dad because he’s always sweet with the neighborhood kids and he had a pretty good example of an excellent parent while growing up. But Karkat doesn’t think the same thing applies to him.

He liked being with Karmini for the short time that he and John stayed in the hospital and he enjoys Kanaya’s updates on her development, but he knows that being a dad, a good dad, requires a lot more than just occasionally looking in and reading a status update.

Karkat thinks Kanaya is good at being a parent because she had a Virgin Mother Grub as a lusus; she was practically trained since her hatching to be protective of grubs, troll or otherwise. And with Rose at her side to help her along, Kanaya probably doesn’t have much to worry about.

But it’s not like Karkat had a bad upbringing himself. Crabdad was a pretty fantastic lusus; even Karkat’s got to admit to that. He taught Karkat how to fight and protect himself, but he also helped nurture his love and study of romance and relationships (if the occasional discovery of a new movie or book laying on top of a freshly killed carcass said anything. Sure he’d have to clean off the bloodstains sometimes, but it was the gesture that counted).

These thoughts are always racing through Karkat’s head and he just can’t bring himself to make a final decision. He feels bad that he’s putting John on hold, but just can’t jump into a decision he isn’t ready for.

He pulls into the driveway and is surprised to see Jade, John, and Bec standing in the front yard.

John starts walking towards him as Karkat gets out of the car, but Jade tugs him back and comes forward instead.

“Grandpa wants to talk with John about his generator, so we’ll be gone for a while,” she says, coming to stand in front of him, “but, before you complain, there’s supper in the oven and I’ve left a movie on the table in the living room.”

“What’s this all about, Jade?” Karkat wonders if maybe he’s aggravated John by taking so long to think things through.

“Oh, don’t start acting like something bad is happening, you big dummy,” she says, placing her hands on Karkat’s shoulders. “Grandpa’s been talking about John for days and it’ll be good to let him talk to someone beside Feferi and I for once.”

She gives him a kiss on the cheek and Karkat feels the worry slide off. “Also, the movie is to help you think, but don’t tell John because he doesn’t know I left it there,” she adds with a wink.

John comes up to them now and Jade moves to the side to let him through. “I’m sorry, Karkat, I know it’s sudden and all.”

“Don’t worry, I think I can handle myself for one night, but a call would be appreciated next time.”

John follows Jade’s suit and gives Karkat a kiss on the other cheek, “Of course, dude, I guess I just got so excited I forgot to say something.”

They give their goodbyes after that and Karkat makes his way inside after watching the green lights disappear from his lawn ring.

Supper is indeed waiting for him in the oven, so he piles a generous helping on a plate and heads into the living room. The movie is laying on the table, just like Jade said, but it’s completely unmarked and looks home-made, and Karkat’s a bit hesitant to watch it.

He puts it in, though, because he doesn’t feel like watching Jurassic Park without John’s commentary. The movie starts immediately and Karkat thinks the previews have been cut out. He doesn’t even see a title and he wonders if Jade had that cut out too.

It’s an animation movie and Karkat has half a mind to shut it off because animation just isn’t as good as live-action. How can people think emotion can be projected on computer generated characters? It’s such a waste of everyone’s time.

But it looks like Jade put some effort into getting Karkat to watch the movie, even making it so he can’t go to online to read bad reviews and convince himself to stop watching it because he doesn’t even know what the damn movie is called.

So he sits and he watches, and by the time John steps through the front door later that evening, Karkat’s a crying mess because, just, goddamn was he completely wrong about everything.

“Karkat, buddy, what’s wrong,” John says, rushing to his side, crouching down to look at his face, “what happened?”

John rubs the red tears running from Karkat’s eyes and Karkat tries his hardest to calm down because he knows he’s worrying John.

“I’m not hurt, it’s okay,” he says, taking in a deep breath. He invites John to sit up on the couch with him and when John climbs up, he scoots forward so their knees are bumping and he can run his fingers down John’s face.

“First thing, I want to take back everything I said about animation movies being dumb, because they’re not and I’d like to watch more now if you don’t mind.”

John laughs a little, “Okay, that I think I can do that. But that doesn’t tell me what’s wrong. You don’t usually cry like that unless you’re watching Troll 50 First Dates.”

“That’s because I’ve come to a conclusion and I think I got a little overwhelmed by it.” Karkat makes sure John’s looking at him because he wants to let John know that’s he being completely sincere.

“Okay, so, I actually really hate the fact that Lewis had to wait such a long time to find a good pair of human lusus. And I think maybe I hate it so much because most of those human lusus were hoping for a grub that couldn’t challenge them. 

“And then I just started to think about how there are grubs out there who are just like Lewis because humans and trolls and lusus die every day and I’m sure some of them leave a kid or a grub behind. And I really just think that those kids and grubs shouldn’t be abandoned like that, and I guess I just want to find a way to make things better for them.

“But I don’t know if I’d be good with, like, a tiny baby or a freshly-hatched grub because that just seems like something I wouldn’t mesh well with on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong, Karmini is great, but I don’t know if I could handle something as fragile as her all of the time.

“Anyway, everyone already wants all the little ones because they think they can connect with them better. But where does that leave the ones who have been stuck waiting for years because they’ve outgrown the cuteness phase?

“And not every grub or kid is going to have a Robinson family to take them in when they need to be a part of a family the most.

“So that’s what I want to do, if you’re okay with it, that is.” 

John looks a bit amused, but also sort of lost, “Karkat, how about we make this short and sweet, actually.”

Karkat nods and takes a moment to think of the right words. 

“John, can we adopt a grubkid?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of things:
> 
> 1) I've never actually been to a live birth and google didn't really have the information I was searching for, so if you see something wrong, either let me know or just suspend your disbelief.
> 
> 2) I'm still quite new to creative writing, so I would really appreciate constructive criticism if you have any (mostly on things like scene flow and dialogue). If you'd rather give advice in a more private setting, I answer most non-anons on tumblr privately.
> 
> :)


	2. Teach me how to use the love that people say you make

It’s 5:48 in the morning and it’s time for Terezi to get ready for the day.

She stretches, pulling her body tight to release the tension that’s settled into her muscles in the course of the night, and throws an arm across Dave’s side, hoping to pull him in so she can convince herself to steal a few extra minutes of sleep.

But her arm flops on the other side of the bed and Terezi realizes that she’s alone.

It’s strange because Dave always sleeps in. Sure, he’s been working a little harder at finding a job, but he tries to not let that affect those precious hours he claims for himself.

Terezi figures she might as well find him, instead of lying in bed contemplating his absence, so she pulls herself up and makes her way to the kitchen. 

There’s a cup of coffee waiting for her on the table, black with half a package of sweetener added in.

It’s only barely warm even though Dave prefers his hot, and Terezi starts to wonder how long he’s been up and how she didn’t wake at his movements. Their hive is small; she should have heard him by now.

Walking back to her respiteblock, Terezi checks her phone to see if Dave left her a message, but there’s only a text from Nepeta wishing her luck on today’s interview. 

She sends a quick response and makes a mental note to let her know how everything goes later.

Nepeta’s always been good at making Terezi feel better after a stressful day. And if today follows all of the days before, then Terezi will be ushered out of another building with half-hearted regrets at not being interviewed thrown out by the first asshole who shows no remorse at breaking the law.

She can already smell their deceit.

Terezi would rather slam her cane into their feet than be personally escorted like she didn’t even find her way to the building by herself, but she wants a job, not a restraining order.

She knows that it’s a cut-throat world out there, especially when everyone is fighting for jobs and people just want to hire the best, but she is the best, damn it. She knows she is.

Her finger is hovering over the call button when she smells it. 

It smells like tree bark and moss and it reminds Terezi of everything about her grubhive.

Grabbing her cane from the nightstand, she rushes across the hive, out the front door, and up the small staircase.

The wind pushes against her as she opens the door to the roof, but Terezi doesn’t hesitate to move forward, following the smell zipping across the skyline.

There’s a croon, and a yell, and suddenly there are bursts of wind threatening to knock her off the edge of the roof, but Terezi knows she wouldn’t fall far before being caught.

The building shakes a little as her lusus lands and she hears Dave slide off her back. “Looks like someone finally pulled themselves out of bed. I’d be worried that the gound would seal your eyes shut if you weren’t already nose-reliant.”

She makes her way to them, greeted by the rush of sniffs against her face from her lusus. She can’t help but greet back, knocking her head against the large snout.

“This is the weirdest thing I’ve seen all week, and I’ve seen a lot of weird shit recently.”

Terezi pulls her head back, giving Dave a frown, “Quiet you, I don’t say anything about you and your bro’s running leaps into each other’s arms.”

“Don’t mock our love, Tz, you’re the only one privileged enough to witness it. And I don’t want you to lose that glorious position.”

She sighs, but pulls him in close, making up for the missed action this morning. “No, you just can’t hide your weirdness from me. Anyway, why are the two of you taking an aerial tour of Houston so early in the morning?”

“Called up the T-bro a few days ago,” Dave says, running a hand under her lusus’ chin, “asked him for a favor, and he worked his magic skills on your dragonmomma here.”

Her lusus huffs, as if trying to discredit Dave’s story, but she stays silent so Terezi knows it must be true. “Doesn’t explain why you figured you’d take her for a quick spin while I was napping.”

Dave pulls back, grabbing Terezi by her shoulders, “Do you actually think I would miss a chance for a test drive? Babe, pay me my dues.”

She shrugs off his grip, mostly because she can’t take him seriously anymore. “So I guess you’re going to make me take your advice, then?”

Terezi doesn’t really want to admit it, but Dave always does have the best ideas.

-

It’s hard to blame Dave for his eagerness to fly around on a dragon lusus’ back when Terezi remembers how gratifying it feels the moment she climbs on.

Dave passes up her cane while she finds her balance, “You look like a troll in the most glorious position of power. Make them see what they’re missin’ out on.”

“You got it, coolkid,” Terezi says, storing her cane in her sylladex. “Next time you see me, I’ll either have a job or a lusus with a full stomach.”

“I’d prefer the job, but full stomachs are always a good thing.” Dave pats her knee while her lusus prepares to take off. “Good luck, Terezi.”

“Thanks, Dave.”

There’s plenty of time to spare before her interview is scheduled, so Terezi decides that a scenic flight won’t cause any problems.

She’s been worried about going to this interview for a little while now. She had been contacted by one of her favorite professors a few weeks ago, and he started questioning where she had settled in at. Having to admit that she had been turned away so frequently might have been one of the most embarrassing moments of her entire life.

It felt like almost all of her education, her training, her dedication, it was all for naught. She couldn’t even put it to good use.

Her professor hadn’t responded for a few days and Terezi couldn’t feel any worse.

She almost deleted the entire conversation, hoping to put the embarrassment away forever, but her inbox had chimed and her hopes were lifted.

There was a firm, her professor said, that he contacted on her behalf. He couldn’t assure her a position, but he could do his best to recommend her to them.

The rest of the convincing remained firmly in her grasp.

She would not let this opportunity go.

Her lusus releases a deep roar as they weave between the buildings and Terezi feels the gentle push against her mind.

_Are you ready!?_

She is, she knows she is.

_Then it’s time to play!_

They approach the firm, but her lusus is forced to land a ways away because she’s too big to fit between most of the buildings now.

Terezi slides off, patting her lusus’ neck in thanks, and retrieves her cane.

_Let me know the moment I can eat them!!_

“I will, but if you’re not allowed to eat them, which I’m actually hoping for, then I promise to go hunting with you.”

_That’s exciting! Let’s do that for sure!!_

The walk to the firm isn’t too long, but Terezi uses every moment to prepare herself and by the time she enters the building, she feels nearly confident.

She makes quick work of the stairs, hoping to reach the third floor before her confidence drains.

It’s quiet when she opens the door, but it still sounds busy. She can hear multiple feet drumming along the floor, papers shifting, phones being answered. It sounds like things are getting accomplished.

Terezi loves that sound.

The secretary has her sit and wait, and Terezi is almost surprised that she’s hasn’t been escorted out yet.

She smells the carapaced shell, black like Dave's favorite records, before she hears the greeting.

“I’m glad to see you’ve arrived, Mrs. Pyrope. If you’re ready, then we shall begin.”

Terezi stands and thanks her before following her to the office.

“Sit. Maurice contacted me about you, in fact, he nearly nakked his own mouth off in his eagerness to promote you.” 

There’s a bit of silence and Terezi knows she’s being tested. 

“But I don’t like hearing things second-hand. I’d rather see them for myself. So, what do you have to show me?”

Terezi grins.

She likes this woman.

She’ll prove herself well.

And later, after she’s taken her lusus hunting, she’ll show Dave just how much she proved herself too.

\--

The coffee is made, the table set, breakfast already spread across a set plates, and John thinks he might just be ready.

Liv is racing around the kitchen, stopping at his feet to ask for a treat. 

He can’t deny her when she pushes herself onto her back feet, gazing up at him with such a hopeful face, so he leans down to place another carrot strip at her mouth and watches as she hurriedly chews it up.

He looks over the kitchen, making sure everything looks organized and presentable, because he needs to show that he’s ready for this.

The doorbell rings so he puts Liv into her cage and heads for the front door.

"Good morning, son." Dad says, holding out his hand for a shake, "thank you for inviting me to breakfast."

"Thanks for coming, Dad," John says, taking his hand.

John pulls him in for a hug after their handshake. Sometimes he forgets how long it's been since he last saw his dad, but it's always good to see him again.

"Come on in, breakfast is already on the table."

They go inside and Dad takes a few minutes to comment on the house's décor.

John stands back, taking a moment to look at him.

His face has aged, John notices right away, crow's feet line his eyes, probably from too much smiling over the years. John wonders why he didn't appreciate those grins more growing up, but he treasures them now. Dad still holds himself like a man of pride, shoulders back and spine straight, and John thinks he knows what he wants to look like as a father.

"Did I miss a spot shaving this morning?"

"Hm?" John blinks, pulling himself out of thought, "Oh, no, sorry. Just thinking about things."

Dad smiles, "That's alright, son. I see you're putting your own shaving kit to good use, though."

"I am! It was a really great present, Dad; thanks."

John leads him to the kitchen, telling him to sit down while he lets Liv out of her cage again.

They eat, talking about things they never talk about on the phone. Dad's taken an intern under his wing and is excited to help teach the young lady the ins and outs of the business world. John asks when he's planning on retiring, but Dad still doesn't have a year settled on yet.

"I just don't know what I'd do with myself if I don't have my job." He doesn't show it often, but he looks almost lonely when he says it. 

John knows that Dad would never begrudge John for growing up and becoming an adult, but John still wishes he could do more for him.

"I know, Dad, but you've worked hard for so long. It's okay to find a hobby to take up the time your job once filled."

Dad looks thoughtful, but still doesn’t seem convinced.

"Anyway, Dad," John says, setting his fork down, "Karkat and I have been talking recently."

"That's so good, son. I've always said that communication is one of the most important things in a relationship."

"I know; we've been learning to be honest with each other." Dad smiles at that and John knows he's proud that John still takes his advice.

"We've decided that since Karkat's been making good progress with work and I've been doing well on my own projects," John pauses, taking a deep breath. He doesn't know why he's getting nervous about this. "We've thought it would be a good time to start thinking about adopting a child."

Dad pauses, coffee cup held mid-way to his mouth, and John wonders if that's a good thing.

"But, uh, we're going to take our time with things. Terezi, you remember her, she's helping us understand the laws and all of the procedures, and we're planning on sitting down with a social worker in a couple of weeks to see what we need to do to get on the prospective lists." 

Dad takes a moment to set down his cup, but his eyes never leave John's.

"How would you feel about being a grandpa?"

John doesn't expect the tears; he doesn't know what he expected, but it definitely wasn't tears.

"Dad!" he says, pushing himself out of his chair to come to his side. "What did I say wrong? Do you think we're not ready? I promise we've taken a lot of time to talk about things, but I--"

Dad doesn't let him talk any further, pulling him in tight for a hug. "Hush, John. I'm just, just so happy."

John feels his shoulder start to dampen and he can't stop the fluid rushing to his own eyes.

"The greatest thing you can give a parent is the knowledge that their child has come into their own," Dad says, pulling back to look John in the eye. "And by making adult decisions, that's what you're showing me."

John can't stop crying now that he's started; he didn't know how much he needed to hear this. “Thanks, Dad.”

Dad pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket, taking a moment to pat John’s face dry before cleaning his own.

John goes back to his chair and they sit in silence.

The quiet used to bother him when he was younger, always thinking that something bad has happened, but he learned to appreciate the art of introspection. He sits, patiently, giving Dad plenty of time to sort through all of the new information.

“How long do I have to baby-proof the house?”

“Could take months to years. From what Terezi’s told us so far, there’s a lot of stuff to be done before we can get approved.” John sighs because he really doesn’t look forward to all of the paper work that will need to be done. “But, we’re not getting a baby.”

“Hmm.” Dad looks thoughtful, “That certainly cuts down on the list of renovations I’ll have to do. I was even starting to consider making it my new hobby.”

He grins, like he’s made the best joke, and John can’t help but reward him with laughter. 

“Okay, you really do want that Number 1 Grandpa mug, don’t you?” John says, once he’s settled down. “Thanks for being there for us, Dad.”

“Of course, son, I always will be.”

(John doesn’t find the note at first. Actually, it takes him a few days to notice the small paper taped to the underside of a plate.

He stands there for a while, reading and re-reading the note, long enough for Karkat to wander into the kitchen looking for him.

He keeps the note stored away, even though he’s read it more times than he’s willing to admit. Because on the nights, the tougher nights, when he doubts his abilities and his decisions, he reads the note again and he gains a little bit of strength back.

_Your children will be so proud to have such great fathers, and I’m proud of you too.  
Love, Dad_ ) 

-

Karkat's been doing this step-dance next to the front door for five minutes now and John's starting to get agitated.

"Will you just settle down for a moment? I'm almost done," John says, refusing to look away from his sylladex. 

They've done too much research now to risk leaving something important behind and John isn't taking a step out of the door before making sure everything is stored away.

“Okay, everything looks good.”

"I told you that I checked it last night, John," Karkat says, checking the time on his phone. "You know how I feel about being late to meetings."

John nods because he really does understand Karkat’s anxieties, but he just wants to be prepared because that will make it easier to believe that everything will come out okay.

“Come on, the car’s ready and everything,” Karkat says, pulling the front door open.

John offers to drive because he doesn’t think he wants to see Karkat try to navigate traffic with all this extra stuff floating through his mind.

They’re quiet for most of the drive and Karkat has his eyes closed like he’s attempting to nap, but his mouth keeps pinching at the corners and John knows that sleep is far from his mind.

“I’m sorry for getting mad at you earlier.”

John looks over at Karkat and finds his eyes firmly focused on him. “That’s alright, buddy. I know how you can get sometimes.”

Karkat huffs, “Doesn’t excuse it, though.”

“If I said I forgive you, would you let it go?” John chuckles to himself, but he sees Karkat shake his head.

“I don’t know why I’m freaking out about this,” Karkat says, facing forward again, rubbing at his eyes. John can tell that Karkat’s had a hard time sleeping lately and even their usual solutions for his insomnia haven’t been helpful recently. “It’s like Karmini all over again, only it’s going on weeks, not hours.”

They’ve arrived at the adoption agency, but John doesn’t want to go inside yet. They’re early, like always, so John knows they have plenty of time to spare. He parks the car in at lot a few streets away and turns to face Karkat while unbuckling his seat belt.

“Tell me what’s bothering you, Karkat,” John says, taking his hand, “you promised to share these things more, remember?”

John can tell that Karkat wants to keep things bottled up. Karkat has always been quick to displace his own problems in his urge to help others work through theirs. 

It had caused problems when they were younger, mostly because John never stopped to pay attention to how Karkat reacted to his words and actions and Karkat never wanted to share his feelings. But they’re older now and John likes to think that they’ve done well over the years, learning to talk and make better choices for the others’ benefit.

And John won’t let Karkat fall into silence now, not when they’re making such an important decision in their lives.

“What if I’m no good at this?” 

It’s strange how such a simple question can be the root of so much anxiety and fear. 

“I want to do this, but what if I fuck everything up? These kids have already had it rough, what if I make it a shit ton worse? You just seem so on top of it, John, aren’t you scared too?”

Karkat does look scared, but John can tell that he’s trying to hold himself together.

“Karkat, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared too,” John says, pulling Karkat in as close as he can, “but I know we’ll get through this because we’ll have each others' support.”

And John really does believe this because he’s seen how capable Karkat is, because he knows how quickly Karkat underestimates himself even though he should be so proud of his accomplishments, because he knows that they’ll pull though any situation as long as they’re together.

He hugs Karkat, refusing to let go until he feels all of the tension drain from Karkat’s shoulders.

“How’s my bowtie,” he asks, releasing Karkat from his grip, “is it straight?”

Karkat shakes his head and rolls his eyes, “Yes, John, you look like a fine, upstanding human father figure.”

“Thank you,” John says, buckling his seatbelt again, “I was aiming for exactly that.”

They’ll be right on time for their appointment, and John thinks that’s better than being late, and always better than never showing up at all.

\--

Rose can’t tell if it’s the sound of Karmini's screaming or Kanaya’s attempts to placate the baby that wakes her from her nap. 

She listens to Kanaya’s quiet hushes in the next room over, trying to decide if she should go and offer to help, but Karmini’s screams calm into whimpers and Rose figures it’s okay to fall back asleep.

It’s the flash of lightning that wakes Rose up next. Kanaya is curled against her back and Rose is almost afraid that she’ll wake her by moving, but Kanaya mumbles and tosses to the other side and Rose eases herself out of the room.

The storm doesn’t sound too terrible outside, with only the occasional quick flash of lightning and slow drawl of thunder, but Rose is still curious as to why Karmini hasn’t made a sound.

She opens to the door to her room and nearly startles at the dim glowing lights hovering above Karmini’s crib. She watches as the lights shift towards her and hears the slight buzz of wings against the backdrop of another roll of thunder.

There’s a quiet mummer from inside the crib, but a gentle clicking noise calms Karmini before the she can escalate.

Rose wishes she could leave without disturbing the two, but she knows that it’s been a while since Karmini’s fed, and Rose would rather take care of it now.

She turns the light knob, settling on a dim ambience, and smiles at how Kanaya’s lusus is attentively watching the baby, claws gripped to the side of the crib, wings beating only fast enough to keep her hovered. 

Mother Grub smiles as Karmini shifts into wakefulness, and gently lifts her from the crib for Rose, before busying about the room, storing clothes that Kanaya must have cleaned before falling asleep.

Rose can’t help but appreciate when Kanaya’s lusus stays for a visit because she’s always so willing to be useful, and Rose never really understood how exhausting parenting can be before Karmini arrived.

Rose thinks about how much Karmini has grown in these last several months and she feels like time is already slipping by a bit too fast, but she tries to enjoy these little moments as she eases into a chair and sets to feeding.

She talks to Karmini a lot, as much as she can, because she knows that Karmini is listening and she has so much to tell her.

It was simple stuff at first: the alphabet, vocabulary, the weather if she was lacking in material enough. Anything, really, to get herself used to talking without expecting an intelligent response. 

But Rose gained confidence over the passing weeks, and soon she was telling Karmini about more important things.

About how she forbade Mom from drinking when she’s around Karmini and how Mom didn’t even protest. About her friends’ problems and their lives and how much she misses them even though they talk so often.

She talks about her own childhood and how she doesn’t want Karmini growing up frustrated and confused like she did. And how she wants to be a good mother, but she doesn’t want to be overbearing and yet not too distant. And she confesses to Karmini that every day she worries that she might not make all the right decisions, but she’s still trying so hard.

On some nights, Rose will talk about Karmini’s siblings and how much Rose wishes she could hold them as well, giving them all the love she gives to Karmini. But Rose knows that such things are impossible and she tells Karmini that she won’t ever forget them.

She shares her dreams with Karmini, her quick-flitted visions of iridescent oceans, raindrops strung like harp strings, and the rays of light spread across the sky. And she tells Karmini how calm that world seemed, like it was a world made just for her.

She tells Karmini how she fell in love with Kanaya. How they circled around each other for years, battling each other with fast paced wit and overtures of words, but neither one wanted to make the grand final gesture of affection.

About how it was Karkat who final grew frustrated enough with their antics that he opened memo after memo filling them with rants that would have stretched for miles, and it was only to find a bit of peace that she eventually called Kanaya one day and asked her to come to lunch.

It was subtle, but those tiny acts have a way of spiraling, and soon they were looking at houses and talking about vacation spots and things eased into place and Rose felt happy.

She listens to Karmini’s occasional coos and tries to time her words so it feels like they’re having an actual conversation and she wonders if they’ll be able to continue these quiet moments years in the future.

Rose hopes, but she knows from experience that growing up can sometimes mean growing apart and she just wants to treasure every second she has.

-

It’s almost too much to watch Kanaya struggle, but Rose can’t quite bring herself to offer any help.

She’s been watching the battle of wills for a few minutes now, hands still deftly forming each new stitch, but her attention is firmly focused on the scene before her.

They were excited a couple weeks ago as they watched Karmini struggle to learn the art of crawling, and they cheered her on as she managed to slowly scoot inch by tortuous inch between the two of them.

They weren’t expecting the newfound mobility to be a source of frustration, but as Rose watches Kanaya attempt to hold onto Karmini’s fidgeting legs while shuffling on a diaper, Rose can’t help but feel like parenting manuals don’t always explain the gritty little details.

Kanaya was lucky this time because Karmini had sat still enough for the first diaper to be removed, and Rose had been on the bad end of those experiences too many times than she would like to actually admit.

“How many more days should I count down before these acts are no longer required?” Kanaya asks while pulling the diaper the rest of the way up. Karmini gives a short cry of frustration at her immobility, but Kanaya sits her up and she resumes squirming away, unperturbed at the fresh diaper wrapped around her bottom.

“I don’t really think that’s a question you want to be asking right now,” Rose says, focusing her attention back on the yarn in her hand. She’s thankful that she avoided any mistakes this time because tinking a whole series of stitches can be frustrating.

Kanaya sighs, but drops the discussion to resume playing with Karmini. They’re hoping to wear her out before bed time so she’ll fall asleep quickly, but Karmini’s bouts of energy are feats of themselves.

Kanaya lays herself on the floor, letting Karmini crawl along her body.

They had fretted for a while about how to handle Kanaya’s sharp horns and claws against Karmini’s fragile skin, but Jade had mailed them a set of modified softclaws, and the issue was solved. Rose still doesn’t understand how Jade can anticipate these things before Rose even thinks about discussing them, but she’s grateful none the less. Jaspers, though, was less fond of the new addition to his wardrobe.

“Which one are you making again?”

Rose looks up from her needles and can’t stop the laugh that erupts as she watches Karmini try to crawl over the top of Kanaya’s head. Her hands are gripped tightly around a horn and Kanaya’s eye is only partial visible along the side of Karmini’s belly.

“This one will be Nrub’yiglith because Oglogoth is in need of a friend,” she says after calming down her laughter, “Also, do you need any help down there?”

Kanaya rolls her eyes, “I’m quite content, actually, and I am eternally thankful that the diaper change occurred before this instance. I feel more than well acquainted with my daughter’s body now.”

“Just let me know when you’re tired of being a jungle gym and I’ll be quick to rescue you,” Rose says while returning to work.

They stay like that for a while and Rose listens to Karmini happily babble to Kanaya during her play.

There are still times when Rose can’t believe that they’re really parents. She thinks about how there are some days that feel too rough, too many sleepless nights and stressed out mornings, but she appreciates them all the same in the end.

After those tougher days, she takes Karmini outside, and Kanaya too, if she’s home, and they lay on the grass near the stones and the trees that symbolize what they’ve lost.

And Rose remembers what it means to be thankful.

But she isn’t afraid to admit that these quiet moments are the ones that mean the most, no matter how much time passes.

“Alright, you little grub,” Kanaya says, picking Karmini up, “time for sleep now.”

Rose checks the clock and sees that almost an hour has passed since she last looked. Carefully, she stores the incomplete Nrub’yiglith and stands.

“I’ll take her up if you want to get ready for bed,” she offers, holding out her arms.

Kanaya accepts, gently setting Karmini into Rose’s embrace, and Rose walks up the stairs to Karmini’s room.

She can tell that Karmini has thoroughly exhausted herself because she barely musters up the energy to fight through another diaper changing.

Rose lays Karmini in her crib, tucking her in before grabbing Oglogoth and putting him up close to her face.

“Time for sleep, baby girl,” Rose says, using Oglogoth’s tentacles to form a mustache, “Oglogoth will be right here to watch over you.”

Karmini giggles as Rose lays Olgogoth next to her, and Rose smiles as she leaves the room.

Kanaya’s climbing the stairs, carrying two cups of tea, and Rose wants to kiss her on the face because Kanaya always knows how to end a night well.

They proceed through their nightly routines before settling onto the bed, sides pressed against each other, both sipping the hot mint as they talk.

Kanaya shows Rose a few new sketches she’s been working on and Rose offers a few suggestions while Kanaya jots down notes and quickly scribbles new pictures.

When Kanaya grows too tired to hold her pencil properly, she stores her sketchbook and asks Rose to read a new chapter as she falls asleep.

Rose obliges, grabbing both empty cups before setting them on the side table, and retrieves her journal, opening to the page they finished the night before.

\--

There’s containers filled with uranium, stacks of metal at her feet, blueprints scattered across the floor, and Dave’s remixes playing in background of the lab.

It gets a bit messy at times, but Jade’s discovered that she works the best with a bit of controlled chaos.

The new robot is almost completed and Jade is quite proud at how well the new model has turned out. It’s humanoid enough to perform the more complicated tasks, but its design is more animalistic in nature. 

She’s hoping that it’ll blend in with the native fauna, but she’ll have to do a few test runs before determining if living creatures will react negatively to its presence.

She hears Grandpa entering the other side of the lab and figures that it’s time to set Furbot aside. He’s probably going to give another lecture on the importance of handling uranium wisely and not being wasteful with it. 

Jade really doesn’t understand why he’s so concerned about how much uranium they have stored away, though; there’s plenty of it.

She jumps over the piles of metal and clicks off Dave’s tunes to join Grandpa at the door.

“Now that was a good tune playing there, darling,” he says, snapping his fingers in time with the beat still playing in his head, “why would you shut it off?”

She smiles at him. No matter how old he gets, he’ll always have the same amount of weirdness, but Jade thinks that’s his most charming quality.

“I decided I was finished for the day.”

Grandpa hums, “Do you need any assistance, dear? I’ve built a number of those robots back in my day. I know what tricky bastards they can be.”

“Maybe tomorrow,” Jade says, looking out of the laboratory window, “how about we go eat lunch outside, instead?”

Grandpa agrees and they transportalize to the kitchen to start preparing lunch.

Jade sets to work on getting food together, while Grandpa carries the table and a set of chairs outside. She wants to watch him, to make sure he doesn’t strain himself, but she knows that he’s gained a lot of strength back recently and he’ll only get frustrated if she acts too overbearingly.

Jade knows how resilient he can, but she doesn’t know how long it will last.

“Jade, darling, are you almost finished? We’re all set up over here,” he yells from outside.

She’s almost worried that he’s brought a few of his beauties outside too. The years of feeling comfortable while staring at their faded eyes have long since passed and Jade would actually like to enjoy this meal.

Grabbing the plates of food, Jade heads outside while preparing herself for another weird encounter, but she’s surprised to see Feferi sitting next to Grandpa instead of any blue portraits.

“Welcome back!” she says, rushing to set down the plates before hugging Feferi, “I thought you were going to be gone for another week, at least?”

Feferi smiles as she returns the hug, “We were, but Gl’bgolyb and I decided that we had enough information collected to warrant coming home early.”

She tells them about her discoveries and Grandpa listens with fascination. Jade wonders if Feferi and Grandpa get along so well because they love sharing their tales of adventure.

It makes Jade happy knowing that Feferi enjoyed herself while she was exploring. She had missed her for the last few weeks, but she doesn’t want the troll to feel like she’s stuck on the island.

Feferi describes each adventure, sometimes swinging her trident around while re-enacting different scenes, and Grandpa hoots and claps at all the right parts.

It makes Jade smile, knowing that her two favorite people get along so well.

Feferi finishes talking long after their meal is finished and Jade offers to carry in everyone’s dishes.

She pauses, for a moment, when she notices the look on Grandpa’s face, like he’s distressed, and Jade wants to ask him what’s wrong, but she blinks and he’s smiling again.

She can’t tell if she imagined it, but she has a hard time forgetting the image.

-

She only hears the sound of the waves when she wakes up. That, and Feferi’s occasional mumblings in her sleep. But something doesn’t feel right, so Jade pulls herself out of bed and makes her way through the house.

It’s quiet and dark, but Jade steps through each room, searching for whatever has set her on edge.

It doesn’t feel bad, but it doesn’t feel exactly right, either.

She notices that Grandpa’s bed is empty almost right away, but she doesn’t worry. He has a habit of moving to the den to sleep if his room gets too hot at night.

But when she gets to the den, she notices that the room is empty as well. The fireplace has long since burned out and only the knights and globes occupy the spaces between the walls.

She frowns, but decides to keep searching. 

If Bec were here, then maybe the search would be easier, but he’s been absent for days and Jade’s almost positive that he wouldn’t come for only this.

It takes almost an hour to realize that the house is empty and Jade carefully makes her way outside, hoping to let Feferi stay asleep. After her long journey, Jade knows she needs her rest.

The waves are louder out here, but the moon is bright and Jade sees Grandpa’s figure silhouetted against the beach.

She walks over to him, but he doesn’t greet her. She sits and they listen to the waves, and the birds, and Gl’bgolyb’s calls while staring at the horizon.

“I’m afraid I’ve been selfish these last few months.”

Jade looks at him and she can see his earlier distress etched across his face again. He doesn’t bother hiding it this time.

“How so?”

He heaves a deep sigh and turns to make eye contact with her. “I’ve kept these two women, both full of spitfire, trapped on this island.”

“We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t want to be, Grandpa. I’ve told you this many times.”

“But that doesn’t make it right,” he says, turning back to stare at the water again. “I’ve spent years devoting myself to my own expeditions, but I’m holding you girls back from enjoying your Quest.”

Jade shakes her head, “We don’t even know what the Quest will bring. It might not even be that important.”

“The importance doesn’t matter, my dear girl!” Jade almost startles as he raises his voice. “It’s the action, the discoveries, the time you spend doing what you love the most! If you don’t take the time to enjoy it, then that’s when it becomes pointless. And I refuse to be the reason another person holds themselves back from doing great things!”

Jade knows he's not only talking about Feferi and her now, but she isn't too surprised at the conversation shift. These things have been bothering him for some time now.

“He’s not holding himself back, Grandpa. He’s doing exactly what you asked him to do.”

He doesn’t say anything back, but Jade knows not to push that particular conversation. Grandpa’s always been especially touchy about it.

“I want you to go back out there and figure out what awaits you at the end of the mystery,” he says, laying an arm across her shoulders.

Sometimes she forgets how warm he is, how alive he feels. She gets so worried, dreading those days when he won’t be at her side to guide her any more. She gets so wrapped up in those thoughts that sometimes she forgets to enjoy the fact that he’s still right here. Pushing her ahead, urging her to live her own life.

“What if something happens to you while we’re gone?” It’s her constant fear, even if she doesn’t want to admit it.

“Then my time has come. But you can’t let the inevitable keep you from enjoying your life,” he says, and Jade tries her best to believe him. “Besides, I’ve still got quite a bit of spark left. You’re too quick to cut this old man down, Jade.”

She’s laughs, mostly because she has to agree with that last sentiment.

Maybe she has been too cautious about the future. She’s been dragging herself down for so long, and Feferi’s been so gracious to accompany her throughout the entire thing.

“Come on now,” Grandpa says, pushing himself to a stand, “we’ll sleep well tonight, and tomorrow, you will pack.”

He leads her back to the house and Jade thinks she should trust his judgment.

\--

Dave almost can’t believe how much green there is even though he’s not even a full hour outside of Houston.

It’s not like it’s the first time he’s left the city, but the change catches Dave off guard every time. And it’s always different when the trees aren’t confined to simple parks and sidewalks; it’s refreshing, but it’s also a bit unnerving.

Bro comes up beside him, Lil Cal wrapped around his shoulders like always, and Dave takes the plate of food he’s offered.

“Enjoying the view, little man?” Bro says, climbing on top of the porch fence to sit down.

Dave nods while swallowing his first bite of food, “Just can’t believe that you actually like it out here, is all.”

“You get used to it.” Bro shrugs his shoulders before tilting his head towards the horses grazing in the field. “Besides, hard to keep them in the city, you know.”

“Yeah, I gotcha.” Dave still doesn’t know how Bro was able to adjust to the country life so easily, but he knows that Bro’s made up his mind and he’s made a promise along with it. And Dave knows that once Bro has set his mind to something, then there ain’t no turning back.

Dave finishes his food while Bro waits. He’s almost anxious to get the day’s activities over, but it’s been a while since he’s actual spoken to Bro in person, so he’s trying to enjoy the bit of time they have together.

He takes his empty plate back inside while Bro heads for the pasture to rein in two horses. It’s been a number of years since Bro last threw him on the back of one of these beasts and Dave only hopes that sitting still and clutching the reins will work as well as it did when he was a kid.

He heads into the barn behind the house and watches as Bro goes through the motions of saddling them up and he thinks that the process doesn’t look that complicated, but he still wouldn’t want to be that intimate with 1,000 pounds of muscle.

Bro leads Dave and the two horses out of the barn before roping them to a fence and pulling a stepping stool to the side of one. 

“This one’s Fancysanta, and he’ll be your steed.” Bro helps balance Dave as he climbs onto the saddle and reminds him of the basics of leg and rein operation. “Now, just stick close to Maplehoof and me and things will be fine.”

It’s nerve wracking at first, mostly because Dave thinks that the horse is going to take off at any moment, but Bro sets a steady pace and soon Dave’s convinced enough that the horse will only run if a bucket of grain is being waved in his direction.

Bro leads them into the woods past the pasture and Dave listens. He never thought that quiet forests could make so much noise, not compared to the city.

They don’t talk for a while and Dave thinks it’s because Bro wants to give him ample time to get used to riding before providing any distractions. But Dave knows that there’s a lot to talk about right now, so he doesn’t let the silence last for long.

“Hey, Bro, can I ask a favor?” He eases up on Fancysanta’s reins when he notices he’s gripping them too tight. He doesn’t know if it’s because he’s nervous being so up high and out of control or because he’s worried about what Bro’s going to think.

“Shoot it, kid.”

He doesn’t know how to start because he doesn’t want to seem rude or unappreciative of everything Bro’s done for him throughout the years, but this is a thing that needs to happen. It just is.

“I want you to cut off my funding. I need, I think I need to start supporting myself, and Terezi, on my own.”

The silence settles in again and Dave tries to focus on the pattern of hoofsteps the horses are making. If he’s patient, he can make a beat out of it. and maybe then the silence won’t be so unbearable.

He sees Bro turn to face him, but he still can’t bring himself to look away from the path ahead. “Any particular reason why, little man?”

Dave hates that his brain feels so jumbled, like he can’t keep all his thoughts straight. Shit, he and Bro can rap with precision on half-second thoughts, but he can’t even keep a decent conversation running even after thinking about it for so long.

He sighs and decides he can’t back out of this, not now, when it’s already been thrown on the table, silver platter present and all. 

He tells Bro about how frustrated he’s been for the past couple years. He’s tried, really he has, to find something interesting enough to keep his mind busy, but still provide a source of income. But he loves dabbling in too many things, and dabbling just doesn’t cut it. 

And he’s too tied to Bro’s support to act like the grown ass man that he is. He expected himself to be a lot more self-reliant this close to 30. He’s got some years, but damn has it crept up on him.

Bro doesn’t say anything for a while, but when he takes a breath and opens his mouth, the beat that once filled his head empties and all Dave can do is focus on Bro's words.

Because when Bro speaks, Dave listens. He always listens.

“Sometimes, kid, life just doesn’t give you what you want. You end up having to work those shitty jobs that bring in little money and less happiness. But you have to understand, those jobs are only the starting point.

"You have to fight through those terrible jobs to find the careers that you can enjoy and succeed at. Some people have it easy; they know what they want and they genuinely like the years they suffer through reaching their goals, and the rest of us just learn to buckle down and wait for those good years to come.”

Bro shakes his head as he finishes talking and Dave almost feels like he doesn’t like what he’s heard.

“But I thought you liked making those smuppet pornos?”

“You really think that site took off right away? There were more than a few years where you spent most nights at a sitter’s house because I couldn’t do anything but pull third-shifts and just wait on my ass for customers to take interest.”

Dave can’t help but look at Bro then. Bro never really did like talking about the earlier years and Dave hadn't cared enough to ask about them.

“I think it’s good, though, that you want to be cut off. And I’ll do that for you,” Bro says, pulling Maplehoof to a halt.

Dave tightens Fancysanta’s reins, stopping alongside him. 

“I appreciate that, Bro.”

Bro reaches across the distance between them and Dave almost thinks he’s going to fall off Maplehoof with how far he’s leaning, but he manages to swing his arm around Dave’s shoulders and pull him in tight, and Dave just remembers how cool he’s always thought Bro was, and still is.

“I’ll be here if you ever need me, but it’s time for you to take charge now.” He releases Dave and they both take a moment to re-balance themselves before setting off again.

“You don’t have to worry. I know you raised me right.”

Bro nods, and the silence that falls over them again doesn’t feel so overbearing anymore.

-

Terezi has dinner on the table when Dave walks through the door and, dang, does she know how to make homecomings just perfect.

Dave had enjoyed his week with Bro, and he knows he’s got a lot of stuff to accomplish now.

They sit and eat and Terezi tells him how the firm has been treating her and Dave tells her that she’s going to have to join him the next time he heads out to Bro’s.

He offers to wash the dishes that have built up after dinner and he lets her go to bed early.

The dishes don’t take long and soon Dave is setting his laptop on the kitchen table and spreading newspaper articles all over the floor. Rose lets the call ring three times before she clicks ‘accept’ on the video chat.

She’s bouncing Karmini in her lap and Dave can tell that she’s tried to keep the kid awake just for him.

She’s getting bigger every time he sees her, and always more adorable. He talks to her until Kanaya finally comes to put her to bed and he waves goodbye before setting his attention on Rose.

Dave can tell she’s already hard at work because she keeps typing and clicking her tongue in disappointment, and he figures he should probably join her.

He had messaged her a few days ago, asking for her help. He figured it would be easier to make progress if he had someone to push him along and offer support and he knew Rose could be trusted enough to take him seriously.

He made sure to grab as many different newspapers as possible on his drive back to Houston. And he’s hoping that between the two of them, they’ll find a few possible job opportunities.

They chat as they search and Rose knows just how to keep Dave occupied enough to not get frustrated, usually by telling him little tales of Karmini’s progress, and Dave doesn’t feel like hours have passed since they started talking.

He pulls himself off the floor to check the video screen when Rose doesn’t talk for a few minutes, making sure that they haven’t lost connection or anything. But Rose is still there, and her eyes are focused completely on whatever page she’s reading through.

“Hey, Rose, you’re not broken, right? Because you’re face looks sort of stuck and I don’t know if I need to call and wake up Kanaya to check on you,” Dave says, but Rose doesn’t stop staring at the screen and it’s actually kind of freaking Dave out a bit. “I really wish I had a glass of water to splash on your face right now. But liquid can’t travel through cyberspace so I’m going to try and find a site that’ll make a really loud noise and hopefully that will make you snap out of whatever stupor you’ve landed yourself in.”

“Dave, hush. I think I’ve found something.” Dave almost wants to continue jabbing at her, but he’s also really interested in learning about what she found. “I’m sending you the link.”

It’s a short ad and Dave doesn’t know why Rose spent so much time reading through it, but he looks at the qualifications and the requirements and the expectations and he think that maybe they’ve found something.

“Rose, do I ever remind you of how much I love and appreciate you,” Dave asks while saving the link on his computer.

Rose quirks her mouth and Dave can tell she has a lot of things to say to that comment.

“Actually, you don’t tell me nearly as much as I’d like to hear. You should improve on that.”

Dave decides that it wouldn’t actually be that hard of a thing to do.

\--

The first thing Karkat notices when he walks into his new office is that his desk is too small. Obviously these people don’t know who they’re dealing with, but this isn’t the first time he’s had to push and shove his way around until people stop being idiots and start paying attention to him.

The desk will do for now, though. He doesn’t have much to add on it: supplies, his laptop, a few pictures of John and Karmini to remind him not to bash his skull in when people are acting like their brains are glued to their butts.

There’s barely any room left over once he’s arranged everything and Karkat knows that it’s only going to be a few days before he gets frustrated with the lack of work space. He just really likes spreading papers out, though. 

It helps him focus when everything is, just, right there in front of him.

Honest, really.

But now isn’t the time to stay locked in his office. The first couple days at a new building always means he has to be out on patrol, hovering and observing.

He doesn’t get that sick pleasure watching people freak out when they realize that he’s staring at them while working, but he knows that it’s an important part of his job to understand each and every worker’s behaviors.

And Karkat isn’t just good at his job; he’s a goddamn expert.

He makes his way through each section of the building. He’s looking for the trouble-makers and the slackers, though; they’re his main targets. Once he finds them, then he can categorize each department based on its needs.

He’ll tackle the worst departments first, slowly turning every selfish asshole he finds into a dedicated team worker.

If they refuse to change after being subjected to his carefully planned teamwork building exercises and the occasional fun group outing, then Karkat will have no choice but to rain unmitigated fury on to their pathetic souls until their legs buckle at the ferocity of his vengeful rage. They’ll crack eventually; they always do.

That, or they’ll quit. But Karkat always assures the managers that weeding out the bad only makes room for better employees.

And if there weren’t any bad employees, then the company wouldn’t have hired him in the first place.

He’s makes it through 13 rooms before he sees the one of the few types of workers that immediately set him off.

There are three of them, sitting there, flinging folded pieces of paper at each other with the aid of rubber bands. Not only are they causing a mess, but they’re obviously too busy slacking off to be of any contribution to the rest of the members of the room.

Everyone else seems fairly hard at work; busy enough, but not rushing. It’s a good pace to set, but there’s always going to be a few to abuse the system.

He doesn’t always enjoy it when he has to crack down on his first day, but there’s a limit to his patience and it’s already been reached.

He makes his way over to them, grabbing one of the damned rubber band contraptions before climbing on top of a desk.

“Greetings, workers. This is your Cohesion Specialist speaking, and I’m here to help you stop making fools of yourselves and your co-workers. And this,” he says, holding up the rubber band and paper, “is completely unacceptable while you are under my watch.”

They’re staring at him, whether in awe or annoyance he doesn’t actually care. But he has their attention and that’s all he needs.

He’ll have this place running smoothly, even if it takes him months.

It’s time to let the shit storm begin.

-

It’s never a good sign when Karkat’s head is aching after only the first day at a new company.

“I really wish I could have been there to see you in action today,” John says, pulling Karkat’s head down towards his lap. 

Karkat can’t help but relax as John’s fingers make quick work on rubbing relief into his scalp. “Didn’t you suffer through enough of my abuse all those years ago? I really didn’t make things easy on you back then.”

He feels John start to laugh, “Man, it’s not like I made your job easy either. I used to get such a kick out of watching you flip out.”

“Okay, I’ll admit that you deserved a lot of the crap I gave you. Filling my office with packing peanuts was the worst thing you could have done.”

“That’s the one you think about?!” John’s fingers freeze mid-motion. “That was, like, the first prank we pulled on you. It was child’s play!”

Karkat takes the time to push himself up, making sure to look John in the eyes, “You obviously have no clue how infuriating it is to find those tiny pink pieces of terror shoved in the depths of your drawers every single time you need to reach inside to grab an extra pen! That squeak haunted my every waking moment for months!”

Karkat’s glare does nothing to stop John from laughing. “Okay, that was probably because Vriska kept shoving more in your desk every time you did something to make her mad.”

“I think that could be called creating a hostile working environment, John. I should have had the two of you terminated. Now keep scratching; all these memories are making the headache worse.”

John obliges him, putting his fingers back to work, but he hasn’t stopped laughing yet. “I really think you should have fired us after we flipped your office and glued everything to the ceiling. Do you know how much property damage we could have caused?”

Karkat can’t help but join in his laughter. “That one was just clever. Even the contents of my desk were upside down and not a damn file was out of place. I’ll admit that you had impressed me so much that I didn’t mind keeping the whole thing a secret.”

“Which I guess was a good thing since we had to replace some of the furniture that was damaged during clean up. Vriska and I couldn’t have paid for that if we didn’t have a job.”

Karkat figures that part is true, but it was more of the fact that he saw how dedicated John could be once he committed his mind to something. Pulling off that big of a job in one night with only Vriska’s help? 

That took skill, and Karkat wasn’t about to let that go to waste. 

Not on his watch.

“I just didn’t want to unleash the two biggest shitstains on the rest of the working world at the same time. I took one for the team there, John.”

John’s fingers work their way down from his head to his neck and Karkat doesn’t know why he didn’t start there in the first place. “See, you’re such a good sport even if you don’t want to admit it half the time. Hehe, I guess that’s why I didn’t really hesitate to go on that date.”

Karkat almost wants to sit up and glare at John again. Almost. But not quite. “That date was terrible and you should forget about it completely. Everything went to hell and back.”

“No way! It was, like, absolute romance, the pinnacle of all romantic activities. You stole my heart, dude!"

Karkat groans, more out of embarrassment than frustration, “I really fail to see how sitting on the hood of your car watching the worst movie in the world could be considered as ‘the pinnacle of all romance’. Really, John, where’s your class?”

“Okay, I’ll admit that they could have done a lot more with the movie, but combining live action and computer generated characters is tricky business, and Scooby Doo still had some actually funny parts.” Karkat wants to groan again, this time in frustration, when John’s fingers move, but suddenly John’s pulling at his shoulders to make him lay on his back. “But it wasn’t really the movie that I was talking about.”

John’s grin makes Karkat cover his face with his hands. “Please don’t remind me of that moment of patheticness.”

“It was just a peck! The tiniest little peck on my cheek and you stole my heart right there!” John says, prying Karkat’s hands off his face. “You even asked and everything. It was just too cute.”

John kisses him then, more than just a peck, and Karkat figures he can live with the embarrassment if he knows that it all leads to this.

“Anyway,” John says, pulling back up from the kiss, “it’s almost time for the social worker to arrive, so you should probably comb your hair before she comes.”

Karkat huffs, mostly because he doesn’t want to move from the warm space on John’s lap. 

“Also, pick up your socks, mister. I just cleaned this room.”

John bops him on the nose with a finger and Karkat supposes he could do that for him.

“The social worker really better appreciate all the things I do,” Karkat says, bending over to grab the two socks.

John laughs at him then, and Karkat only hopes that the home visit goes over well because he wants that smile to stay on John’s face forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's also a short side story that goes a bit more in depth about Rose and Kanaya's miscarriages. It's called 'Rose: Bury Your Children'.
> 
> Edit: wow, okay, I totally forgot to pay yummytomatoes credit for the softclaws idea: http://yummytomatoes.tumblr.com/post/23909442866


	3. We’re carrying our years around us, or they’re chasing down us

John can’t tell if it’s been a long day, or just a long few years, but he can hardly manage to keep his eyes open as Vriska jogs away from him. He spies a lone picnic table several feet away and decides that it would make for a better place to wait than standing in the middle of the park. 

He contemplates resting his head against the wooden planks of the table as he sits down, but he thinks he sees what looks like scratched off splatters of bird droppings, so he eases himself backwards and stretches along the length of the bench.

It feels good, getting away from home and making some real progress. Almost like there’s less to worry about out here, miles away from all the reminders.

He hopes Karkat’s doing okay and John decides to call him later tonight. He knows Vriska won’t mind if he tucks himself into the folds of a chair as he listens to Karkat, trying hard to focus on what Karkat’s saying, but really just too caught up in hearing the sound of his voice again.

He misses Karkat, but he can’t go home just yet.

He stares at the clouds rolling by and watches as the wind pushes against the leaves, and he thinks that maybe he would be okay with lying here for 10 years or more. 

It’s quiet here, stuck between the soil and the sky. 

Maybe if he stays here long enough, John can learn to be okay with the way things are; with how everything turned out to be.

But John doesn’t want to think about all of that now, so closes his eyes and breathes deeps and waits for Vriska to return.

“You better not be falling asleep on me!” 

Vriska’s stomping so harshly across the park that John swears he can feel the vibrations race along his spine. “I had to shove my way passed too many college kids and mothers with handfuls of babies to get these awesome snacks. So sit up, kid, we’ve got food to eat and no time to rest.”

Vriska’s standing over him now, arms full of bags and drinks, and her face is mixed with both vitriolic humor and maybe even a tiny bit of concern. It’s why he knew he would be safe with her, because she won’t push until she’s ready to.

But he’s noticed how she’s been staring at him longer, frown pressed against the curves of her face, and he thinks that maybe she’s reaching her limit on patience and understanding. It’s hard to tell with her sometimes, but he knows it’s going to happen soon enough. Even if he doesn’t want it to.

She sits down across from him, pulling out the bagels and coffee, and John drags himself, full-bodied, back into sitting position. She rambles, waxing ineloquence as Feferi once described it, about how she loves the city but hates the people.

“Never quick enough to understand just who they’re dealing with,” she explains between long gulps of coffee. “Like, okay, you only have to look at me once to see that everything I’m about to say is the truth. Do I really look like some sort of deceiver?”

John grins as he grabs her bagel, spreading the cream cheese because he can tell she’s far too caught up in agitation to bother with it herself.

“And look at these assholes, now, right? All of them are just falling before our feet, thanking us for being so great.” She grins, taking the bagel back and shoving some into her mouth. “Really, it’s just such a laugh looking back on it, now.”

“Maybe they’re just so in awe that they can’t believe you’re real, Vris? Like, wow, look at this sexy lady talking to me, I bet she’s some sort of troll angel.”

John has to laugh as she nearly chokes on her mouthful of food and he passes over a handful of napkins as she beats exaggeratedly against her chest, but she’s grinning in agreement even as she coughs through the whole process.

He really does have to thank her though. She’s been doing his legwork in cities too far away from him, jumping through loops and manhandling every doubtful person into a solid agreement.

He never thought that WindyThing would spread farther than his and his friends’ personal use, but Grandpa Harley had been aggressive and he knew all the right ways to get things accomplished. 

The generator was a simple idea: small enough for individual home use, especially when compared to a turbine, but its efficiency was the key to saving energy and money. It operated mostly on wind power, which made city-usage difficult, but Rose had explained the benefits of sun-power after trying out her own model, and John learned to incorporate those features too.

It’s taken years of trying, but Vriska’s cracked down on every potential large-corporation customer, and money is actually making its way back into John’s hand.

It was never intended to be more than a hobby, some mischievous scheme to avoid having to pay for Karkat’s obsession with romcoms and his own obsession with Matthew McConaughey. (Those electricity bills build up after a while, even though the hours of entertainment are so worth it.)

“Listen, though, I know we’ve got a lot of work to do later this week, but I want this to be a free day.” Vriska looks serious as she says this and John feels all of his momentary pride start to slip away. 

“A free day? Great!” He knows where this is heading, but if he can avoid it, he will. “What are we going to do, fill balloons with egg again and throw them across the park?”

He watches as her mouth slowly drifts into a frown, but he’s not giving up.

“Or we could feed a bunch of birds laxatives and watch the ensuing mayhem.”

She opens her mouth to stop him, but he keeps pressing.

“Or how about we--”

“John, will you just shut up!” She looks mad (an accomplishment) and if she gets frustrated enough, she might drop the subject.

He’s ready to power through, talking non-stop and until she gives up and moves on, but Vriska’s too aware of his tricks, and pushes forward before he even has a chance to try.

“You keep trying to pretend like this whole thing hasn't been a giant weight pressed on your shoulders,” she says, fangs bared and fists clenched. “I wanted you to come out here because it's been almost forever since we’ve hung out, but damn it, John, stop trying to act like everything’s okay. It’s not. You’re upset, Karkat’s upset, and you just won’t talk about it with anyone without trying to turn it into some damn joke!

“You think Kanaya hasn’t called me about this and explained everything? I had Miss Meddlesome on the phone the moment you refused to talk this out with her or Rose. They, out of all of us, know what you and Karkat are going through, but you reject every attempt your friends make to comfort you because you’re too damn scared of admitting that you’re heartbroken. And that’s just fucking sad. This isn’t the kind of guy I wanted you to become, John.

“I had higher hopes for you than this.”

“You think I don’t know all of this already?” It’s too much, hearing all of this truth at once, but John won’t just sit back, nodding at all of the right moments, accepting every gruesome phrase and sentiment. “I know what losing a kid can do to you. I saw what it did to Rose and what it did to Kanaya. If I let myself go there, if I drag Karkat down with me, do you actually think things will get better?”

“I think it would!” 

She says it like she really means it, and John doesn’t know if that’s just sad or incredibly hopeful. 

“At least you would learn to handle all of those emotions better, rather than just pushing them off and ignoring them, like some little grub fresh out of its egg.”

He sighs, refusing to look at her, refusing to believe that maybe she might be right. “And then what, sit and contemplate the fact that we were so close to being dads? Think about all of those years we lost because some woman decided to get her damn act together and take our kid away from us?”

He doesn’t see her shoulders sag, but he knows they do. He almost hates her for her sympathy.

“He wasn’t really yours, John.”

He can’t control it; everything just snaps. 

“BUT WE FUCKING LOVED HIM LIKE HE WAS, OKAY?!” 

Vriska doesn’t lean back from the scream; she doesn’t retreat like John had hoped she would. But her face softens, only by a bit, and her fists unclench as she reaches across the table to take a hold of John’s face.

“There, right there. That’s what I want to see.” Her voice is just as strong and John feels like breaking down. “Yes, you loved him, and he loved you, too. But he needed to go back with his mother. You saw her improvements; you told me all of this. And now you have to accept that it’s time to move on.”

“But what if it happens again?”

John thinks back to Rose and Kanaya, and he just doesn’t understand how they had the courage, and the strength, to keep trying. 

He’s waited for the aches to stop, for the grief to blow over, but every time he thinks of picking up the phone and asking for another opportunity, his heart hurts and he buries himself deeper into his projects, shutting out all of the reminders that haunt him.

“Weren’t you the one to say that you could get through anything as long as you had Karkat? I’m mean, that was corny as all’s hell, but I thought you really believed that?” Her hands haven’t left his face and he takes a chance to look at her again. 

“There are other kids, John, and you will learn to love them, just as you learned to love Fionn.”

-

He goes home a couple days earlier than planned because he trusts Vriska to finish the job.

And because he realizes that there are a lot of things he has to change, and a lot of things that he misses.

John is there to kiss Karkat full on the mouth the moment he opens the door. Karkat sputters and freaks a bit at the surprise, but soon he’s easing into the kiss and John feels like he’s let too many things slip between his fingers during these last several months.

They climb to the roof, balancing plates of food between their hands as they settle their bodies on the shingles, and they talk.

It’s hard because John still doesn’t want to admit how wrong everything went, but when he sees Karkat struggle to explain his own emotions, John feels like he should have been a better husband.

Because he forced Karkat to keep all of these feelings buried deep, because he was too much of a coward to want to address them in the first place. And Karkat has been hurt by this.

This is what Kanaya had tried to warn him about, but he was too damn stubborn to listen.

They had made a promise to be honest with each other years ago and John had forced them to break that promise, like a hypocrite and a fool.

He watches as Karkat tries to focus on his food, struggling to keep himself composed, and John can’t handle it anymore.

He pulls him close, wrapping his arms as tight as he can, and feels the push of a horn against the curve of his throat.

Karkat pulls the fabric of his shirt, clutching inches of cloth in desperate hands as he attempts to hold himself together. But John lets him know that it’s alright, it’ll all be alright, and Karkat gently unfolds his fingers before pulling John in close as well.

They sit there, food long forgotten, and they learn how to be honest again.

(John waits a week before making the call, clutching the phone receiver in one hand and Karkat’s hand in the other.

It rings twice before the social worker picks up and he looks into Karkat’s eyes as he explains that they are ready to try again.

He hears as she taps her fingers against her shell, a contemplative quirk, he’s noticed, and not always a good one.

 _‘Are you sure about this? The same thing could happen again.’_ She sounds almost tired herself, like this isn’t the first time she’s ever had to explain these things and John thinks that’s probably the truth.

“We are. It’s worth the risks, and the heartaches.”

She breathes deep just as Karkat leans forward to rest his head on John’s collarbone.

_‘We’ll schedule an appointment and see what we can do.’_

Several months later, John answers his phone while reading through the reports and updates Vriska’s sent him. He nods, even though he knows the social worker can’t see him. After a moment’s pause, he speaks and tells her that he’ll inform Karkat and they’ll come down later in the week.

He hangs up, composes himself, and dials Karkat’s number.

“There’s a girl,” he says, “I think she needs us.”)

\--

It was really only supposed to be a small break; a tiny bit of relief after dragging themselves through overgrown, dew-splattered foliage.

They are exhausted, bordering on sleep deprived, and they needed this bit of relaxation to catch their breaths and ease their muscles.

But they’re both stuck, hunched over with necks bent at odd angles, trying hard not to rise above a whisper. They’ve stayed like this for longer than Jade would like to admit, but she’s finding few reasons to want to leave.

“These are _Ectophylla alba_ ,” Jade explains, pointing her finger at the tiny white bats above their heads. “They chew through these leafs to make little tents to hide and sleep under. Aren’t they just adorable?”

Feferi nods and Jade thinks that she might have found a land-based animal that actually holds Feferi’s attention. Really, the girl is just too stuck on aquatics sometimes.

“If you touch the main stem, they’ll take flight, so put that hand back down.”

Feferi sighs, but she consents to put her hand back at her side. There’s an uneasy line forming between her eyes though.

“Do you have any spare room in your sylladex, Jade?”

The question almost catches her off-guard and Jade has to turn her head to look at Feferi just to make sure she heard correctly.

“Uhh, yeah, but why is that of any importance right now?”

Feferi puffs out her cheeks just a bit and Jade has to try hard to hold in her laughter because she knows Feferi’s about to get serious. “Just look at them and how tiny they all are! How do you expect them to survive when they’re all white and noticeable and defenseless? Really, Jade, you are so dumb sometimes.”

“Okay? But that doesn’t really explain why I need an empty spot in my sylladex though?”

Feferi smacks her hands to her face and Jade has to glance up quickly to make sure the bats haven’t been spooked. They’re still there, thankfully, clinging to the leaf, but Jade can tell that they are on alert now.

“Quiet down! You’re going to make them take flight.”

“And that’s why we need to act fast now,” Feferi says, removing her hands from her face. Her cheeks are still puffed, and even her gills are getting in on the action. She’s getting worked up and Jade can’t decide if she wants to smack her or smooch her. “There are plenty of leafy plants like this in the atrium back on the island and there aren’t any predators to eat these guys up.”

Okay, so maybe she does need a smack Feferi right now.

“We can’t relocate them! That’s just wrong and really cruel.”

“But it’ll be for their own protection. I’m sure Grandpa will keep a close eye on them if we ask him to.”

Jade tries hard not to get too exasperated because she knows that Feferi thinks she’s in the right. But, really, some things just shouldn’t be done.

“Feferi, no, we really can’t move them. They’ll be fine here, I promise.” Feferi opens her mouth, but Jade shushes her before she can argue back. “Their white fur camouflages them in with the green of the leaf and they are really sensitive to the movement of the stem so they know when there’s enough danger to warrant flying away.”

She still looks worried, like she can’t actually believe that such tiny creatures can hope to survive in a jungle filled to the brim with various predators.

“If they weren’t good at surviving, do you really think we’d be looking at a whole nest of them?”

“No, I guess you’re right.” Feferi’s shoulders sag and Jade thinks she’s made her point enough. “But it just doesn’t seem right to leave them.”

“I promise it’ll be fine.” Feferi nods and Jade grabs her hand to pull them out from under the leaf. It takes a few seconds, mostly because Jade is trying to keep Feferi’s head down low enough so her horns don’t accidently knock against the leaf, but they manage. “Now, we really have to get going; the site is just ahead.”

She might have lied about that last part because it actually takes them another few hours of hiking before reaching the small ruins tucked between the shelter of the trees.

It’s getting dark and Feferi takes Jade’s hand to guide her through the forest, telling her when to avoid fallen branches and intricate spider webs.

They squeeze through the collapsed entrance and Feferi scans the area for any danger before telling Jade to click on her flashlight. There’s a heavy smell permeating the whole of the ruins and Jade just hopes that it’s just the smell of stale air and collected dust.

It takes even longer to traverse the ruins, wrestling between fallen rocks and tiny spaces, but they eventually make their way to a large room with walls filled to the brim with small carvings of animals and plants. They look like hieroglyphics and Jade has no idea what they mean.

Feferi retrieves two cameras and slowly, carefully, they capture every inch of the walls. It’s a long process, but Jade knows that it must mean something important.

After the last click, Jade feels the slight pull of space behind her and, when she turns, she sees Bec standing in the center of the room, wagging his tail in greeting.

They make their way towards him, both ready to leave the ruins and figure out what hidden messages lies amongst these dusty old walls.

-

The near constant smell of honey permeates the spare bedroom, but Jade figures that sometimes a few sacrifices have to be made in order to accomplish her goals, and she’s suffered through worse things than olfactory overload.

The sunbeams are spreading across her face and the majority of the bed and it’s far too bright to try falling asleep again. Beside her, Feferi remains tucked between the sheets, curled like she’s still metamorphosing in her cocoon, sensitive eyes shielded behind her sopor sleep mask.

Summoning will power, Jade finally drags herself from bed, not caring about making too much noise or movement because she knows Feferi will sleep through it all. It hadn’t taken Jade long to notice that once Feferi falls asleep, she stays asleep until her body is good and ready to wake up on its own accord. She wishes it was a benefit of a stubborn personality, but such a quality overpassed Jade long ago and she’s still a bit resentful about it.

There’s a mixture of clicking and buzzing coming from downstairs, which is a tad concerning because the same sounds echoed through the halls when she had dragged herself to bed the night before.

Bees zipping to and from the windows greet Jade when she enters the main room. Sollux waves a hand though his eyes don’t turn from the images racing across his screen.

Jade eases herself on the floor next to Sollux, glancing at the symbols and coding overtaking his monitor.

“I’ve heard that sleeping actually helps you solve problems better than staying up will. Maybe you should give it a try sometime.”

She can’t tell if Sollux is rolling his eyes or not, but Jade’s content with believing that he is; she already knows her suggestion has been made in vain.

“That asshole kicks in his sleep and I’d rather be dead tired and knocked out before suffering through that. I’d say I’ve got about 32 more hours before the torment will begin.”

Jade hums and watches as the bees move across the room. She doesn’t understand how she hasn’t gotten stung in these last few days, but she’s grateful none the less. Nothing’s worse than pulling out a stinger while watching a little worker die defending its hive.

“Aradia finally made contact last night,” he says, taking a moment to pause the text, “she couldn’t stay connected long enough to receive the whole message, but she’ll work with what she has and check in with you later.”

“Wow, Sollux, that’s great!”

She feels bad, making him do all of this work for them, but Feferi had promised that he wouldn’t mind and it only took a few hours of cajoling before he finally relented. But he works quick and he seems almost eager to have a challenge, something new that can’t be solved with a few simple glances and a sarcastic remark about the intelligence of the questioner.

He doesn’t respond to her remark any more than simply unpausing the codes and returning to work, and Jade takes that as her cue to leave.

Feferi’s still asleep when she re-enters the room and she’s nestled further under the covers so that only the top peaks of her horns stick out. It might be hours before she wakes at this rate and Jade knows she’s in no mood for staying cooped up today.

She dresses quickly before heading back downstairs and out the front door.

It only takes a short whistle and a quick flash of light before Bec is standing in front of her, ears perked and tongue lolling out the side of his mouth.

She spreads her arms and he takes his cue to rise onto his hind legs, giving her the chance to pull him in for a hug.

It lasts a moment, but that’s all she needs before pulling back and taking off at a run. He catches up quickly, keeping stride as they make bounds between the open fields and the stretches of sand and sea.

It won’t be long now before she and Feferi will leave, hopefully a few steps closer to understanding their next step in the Quest.

\-- 

It's a table for three tucked in the back corner of one of her more preferred restaurants; high end enough to serve great food, but still welcoming to her daughter.

There are no wine glasses set across the table and Rose wonders if Mom had requested they be removed when she made the reservation.

She watches as Mom stands next to Karmini, acting like a shield between her and floor as Karmini unskillfully climbs her way to the top of the chair.

It had started out as a simple get-together, a small section of time for Mom to play with her granddaughter and catch up with Rose.

It’s strange almost, watching Mom interact with Karmini, mixing cheerful questions with gentle fingers, and Rose tries to imagine her doing the same actions when Rose was a child. Years ago, Rose thinks she would have denied the possibility immediately, but now, observing these tiny instances with fond eyes, she can almost see it.

They’ll have a late lunch first, a good meal and quiet conversations, and then they’ll head for the stores.

Rose doesn’t want to admit that she almost cried when she had to pick up the school supply list the week before. It feels as if the years are slipping by a bit too quick; wasn’t her baby gnawing on terry cloth dolls and scooting around the floor just months before? She doesn’t want to think about missing those tiny fists squeezing her fingers in the years to come.

“Will Kanaya be able to come next time, Rosey?”

Mom is looking at her now that Karmini is busy playing her with toys. Rose doesn’t know how she still looks so youthful compared to her age. Maybe the lack of sunlight from all those years stuck behind computer screens in Skaianet actually did her skin some good, or maybe Rose just never took the time to really look at Mom; observe her and catalogue her features like a good daughter should have. She has little to compare these pictures to, limited images outside of martini glasses and empty rooms to see just how much her own mother has aged after all these years.

She only hopes that she can avoid such tragedies with Karmini, but children are difficult to gauge and Rose can only do what she can in the time that she has.

“Most likely; she wasn’t able to re-schedule her clients because she wanted to come to the school’s open house next Monday. She does send her love, though.”

“What a sweet girl,” Mom says, while grabbing one of Karmini’s toys off the floor. “I still want her to come over sometime. There are so many rooms that could stand to be re-done.”

Karmini looks up from Garnghut Blistershod and her wizard warrior doll, “Granny Rox will make a playroom?”

Mom bends now, play-acting like a great secret is about to be told, “Granny Rox will turn the whole house into a playroom!” She reaches out, tickling Karmini until the girl flops in her seat in near-hysterics. “Doesn’t that sound like such a great idea?”

“We’ll have spaceships, and, and marshmallows, okay.”

Sometimes Rose has to wonder what goes on in her daughter’s head.

“Of course, and dinosaurs and princesses and hot air balloons.”

“No, Granny, princes only,” Karmini says, jumping up to stand in her seat, “I’m a prince and you can be the queen. Momma will go over tomorrow, okay, so stay home and wait for her.”

Rose wants to jump in and tell Karmini that she shouldn’t make promises for other people, but Mom looks like she’s enjoying herself far too much and Rose would rather not interrupt. Karmini will probably be distraught when she finds out that Kanaya will be too busy tomorrow to make any extra trips, but those concerns can be dealt with later.

She’s content, though, watching these two generations interact, and she’s pleased that she made such a thing possible. There’s no reason to spoil it with unhappy truths.

-

It’s the mixture of screams, laughter, and the slap-step of feet above her head that alerts Rose to the situation before Kanaya’s cry echoes across the walls.

“Rose, your little wiggler has escaped…and she left her towel again!”

Dave’s lessons about the importance of quietness combined with quickness have yet to sink in, and Rose can clearly hear Karmini's footsteps heading towards the kitchen despite their fast pace.

She feels lucky that she was folding laundry right before Kanaya’s yell, so she grabs a towel and climbs onto the counter closest to the door. If she tucks herself back just far enough then Karmini won’t be able to see her until it’s too late.

Rose watches as her daughter attempts to sneak in, quick eyes glancing across the room, but she doesn’t even attempt to look up. Karmini takes a few steps in, leaving wet footprints in her wake, and Rose takes her chance.

It only takes one quick swing of the towel before Rose has her arms full of wet daughter.

“I see you got your haircut,” Rose says, tugging on the short strands. Karmini's hair’s barely past her ears, but she never seems happy with longer hair. “You didn’t lose an ear to your mother’s carelessness, did you?”

“Nope!” Karmini says, giggling. “All my ears and fingers and even my nose lived.”

“You’ll be losing those legs soon if you keep scrambling away from me, you little imp.” Kanaya’s walking through the door, carrying Karmini’s other towel.

Karmini gives a little scream and kicks her legs at Kanaya as she makes her way over. “Noo, I like my legs, Momma!”

Kanaya rolls her eyes as she grabs ahold of Karmini’s flailing body. “I’ll take this little miscreant up to bed if you want to get things ready.”

Rose glances at the clock on the wall and realizes that it is, indeed, time to start things up.

Kanaya carries Karmini back to the bathroom to finish drying off as Rose heads for their bedroom.

She’s seconds into logging on to Pesterchum when she’s already getting a video call and three faces are unceremoniously spread across her computer screen.

“All I’m saying is, he made a lot of bad decisions and he doesn’t want to think about the consequences. He’s living his whole life believing that it’s just bad luck when it’s really retribution for his actions.” Karkat’s already in fits it seems and Rose wonders how he hasn’t accidentally smacked his computer screen with his failing hands yet.

“Jesus, when is it going to end?” Sollux says, dropping his head into his hands.

“Look asshole, you don’t have to be here. In fact, I don’t even know why you are here; you didn’t even read the damn book. If you’re not going to sit there and actually contribute to the discussion, then you can remove yourself from the computer screen, go stick your head in another bee hive, and get fucking stung!”

“Kar’s right,” Eridan says. “Can you find nothin’ better to entertain yourself with than breakin’ in to our conversations?”

“Nope.”

“God damn it, Sollux, you don’t even like romance novels.”

“Yeah, like that’s the reason I keep hacking through your lousy passwords and bullshit blocks.”

“Ugh, that’s it. I’ll be right back.” 

Rose watches as Eridan stands up from his computer screen and walks out of his room. Sollux seems to realize what’s about to happen because he’s suddenly jumping up too, but then his screen turns back before anything else can happen. Karkat’s looks at her before focusing on Eridan’s screen as mumbled screams reach the microphone and Rose has to laugh.

“You knocked over the bee hives again, didn’t you?”

“And unplugged his power source; he was askin' for it.” Eridan looks smug as he settles himself in front of the computer screen again. “He’ll be cleanin’ that sticky mess up for a while, but at least it’ll keep him out of our gills.”

“How long was the argument this time?” Rose asks while trying to stifle her laughter.

“Only since Kar signed on, which is far too long for any person’s mental health,” Eridan says, shaking his head. “Rose, I am beginning to think that you and Kanaya are the only two with any sense and decency in this world.”

“Wow, fuck you. I’m leaving.”

“You shouldn’t tell lies, Karkat. I know you’re no more closer to leaving now than you were when Sollux was here. You’re far too invested in this book to log out, aren’t you?”

“Okay, I’m half a second away from leaving just to prove you wrong.” 

Kanaya finally comes into the room, carrying a set of drinks and her copy of the latest romance novel they’ve all decided to read and Rose informs her of Karkat’s latest threat.

“Rose and I have extensively catalogued every quote and thoroughly documented the events of the book, and I would really prefer you stay. It would almost feel like all of that effort would be going to waste without you.”

Karkat grins at Kanaya, and Rose can tell that all his previous thoughts of leaving have long evaporated. He grabs his copy of the book, telling them what page to turn to, and begins the introduction to a long rant Rose is sure he wrote down the day before.

It might be a long night, but at least it’ll be interesting.

\-- 

He’s got these fingers at the ready, poised to strike all the right buttons to make this production tick like it should; eyes are fixed on mouths, watching lip movement and dialogue, waiting for that single cue to hit the pause and smooth the delay.

There are people behind him, trying to make his work easier with suggestions, but he’s only half focused on their mutterings; he knows when to react. And, god damn, would Dave be lying if he said he didn’t turn this rubbish into a finely polished turd. It’s like golden ambience amidst a sea of brown, and he’d be awfully proud if he wasn’t so bored.

He’s got the iguana chick’s stock phrase, “and now, the weather at 9,” playing through his head like clockwork. It’s all routine for him; memorized patterns of conversations and melodies, but it’s a job. It brings in money every month, even if money is just about all it ever brings. And he doesn’t need to enjoy it; he just has to be good at it.

But good he is.

He’s got Bro to thank for his skills. It’s hard growing up in an apartment overloaded with turntables, and mixing gear, and stock piles of music coming out the puppets’ assholes without picking up a few tricks (it’s even harder when there have been hours wasted behind consoles and computers fixing up new jams for personal enjoyment).

Every morning he stations himself behind the mixing console, bringing a sense of rhythm to this overture of dissonance. He’s got buttons for cheap tunes, intros for each segment and gimmick. He’s tried creating some new ones, ones that don’t sound like cats vomiting mountains of hairballs, but he’s always shot down. 

_“Too contemporary, Strider. Our target audience would feel overwhelmed by your hot jams and cool rhymes. Try making a song that sucks just a bit more. That’ll be the winning ticket right there, Strider.”_

He hits another intro button, signaling the new girl to start her section. He can tell she’s nervous with her mumbled lines and shuttering fingers gripping script forms too tight. She’s lucky this isn’t live, but the big bosses won’t like her performance if she doesn’t improve soon.

It’s near painful to watch the kid suffer. She’s all fresh-faced and wide-eyed, like she’s landed her dream job and she’s got such a bright future waiting just around the next bend. But reality seems to be setting in hard, and it’s one thing to dream about pro-performances and another thing to actual do them.

Dave’s not a hard ass, though, and he isn’t fighting for promotions or recognitions like the other half of the staff. He’s seen her lurking about the coffee machines during break though, so he might try to pull her to the side: give her a few tips on staying cool under pressure. She’s got potential, she’s just gotta find her style.

She finishes quick, quicker than she actually should have, but that’s an easy fix. Another set of buttons are being pressed and pretty soon the show’s all wrapped up for the day and Dave is laying his finally touches on the tracks.

He’s halfway through sliding his headphones off the top of his head when one of the higher ups is crowding into his personal space. “You did a patch job on all of Katina’s mistakes, didn’t you, Strider?”

“No worries, that piece’s is fixed up real pretty like, all covered in gold and glitter. And I’m not talking about that two cent paint, I’m mean real gold, freshly shaped bars of pure molten perfection. It’s like some kid’s birthday party now that it’s finished, only that kid is really an unemployed 40 year old and he’s just scratched off the winning numbers to a high prize lottery and the party is him running through the streets completely naked shouting his joy and shaking the hands of small children and their parents alike.”

“Is that a yes or a no, Strider?” Looks like that non-sequitor stretched a bit too far for this guy’s liking.

“That’d be a yes.”

The man turns and leaves with a nod and Dave takes his cue to start packing up. It’s just another part of the routine: storing spare equipment, shutting down systems, and untangling lazy wiring.

He makes his way to the staff room, hoping to nab some coffee and check if Katina’s still around. She’s there, luckily, sitting at the table, watching the coffee pot slowly churn out some fresh liquid and Dave figure’s he’s got enough time to help this girl out right now.

He’s sat through enough of Rose’s psychobabble; it’ll be easy getting her to admit to her anxieties so he can help her cope.

He pulls out two cups from the cabinets and decides that this whole pot of coffee will be theirs to share.

-

He's squeezed between a bag full of groceries and the window panes of the city bus and Dave is counting down the number of turns he has to suffer through before the doors will open up next to Terezi's office.

Seconds tick by and soon he's patiently waited out the 13.75 minutes like a pro.

The door opens at the front of the bus and Dave squeezes between crowds of sweaty bodies before greeting the open air and walking into the office building and into the closest elevator.

He opens the door to the firm and hears her shouting out instructions, clear cut directions on the next steps to take and not-so-subtle threats at the possibility of failure. She's followed out by two other workers, each nodding their heads and writing down her every word; god, she's got them all wrapped up in her little games.

It takes only a quick tap of her cane for them to realize she's finished, and both turn and walk away while repeating their instructions as Terezi walks forward.

"Oh my, have you been waiting long, Mr. Strider?"

He takes his cue, bowing and grabbing her hand to give her a kiss on the knuckles. "Don't you worry that pretty head of yours, my darling. Time is of no consequence when I know I'll be seeing your fair face at the end of every day."

She cackles, and he offers her arm before leading her out the door. "I love the smell of their confusion and fright. It's a great way to end every day."

"You've got some sick pleasures there, Tz."

"Shush, I have to put up with those ignoramuses all day. I can get one final kick out of them if I want."

The streets start to crowd as every other person in the universe calls it quits for the day, but neither of them mind; Terezi’s cane is effective enough for clearing a path.

“So, get any new leads today? You seemed pretty wound up when you were giving out those directions to your little gophers.”

“Absolutely not,” Terezi says, swinging her cane down with more force than usual. “It’s almost like she enjoys the game of tag more than she likes the sweet sip of justice!”

“Can you pull the case solo?”

Terezi shrugs, pulling her mouth into a frown, “No, she’s far too entrenched in it. Slick’s been her number one target since before she’s started.” She looks upward, letting out a huff of breath, “Also, it’d be pretty rotten of me to lock him up; it’d be like snatching a tasty morsel of red candy from between her fingers, right before she takes her first bite.”

“She’s got you well-trained.”

“I’m no barkbeast, Dave, I just know where my loyalties should lie,” she says, smacking him on the arm. “Besides, Snowman’s done me right in these past years.”

Terezi stops to sniff at the air. “We’re near Cantown Shoppe, right? My closet’s been feeling a bit lackluster these days. Care to take me clothes shopping, Mr. Strider?”

The stores aren't too far away and soon enough they're walking up and down aisles, searching for the perfect outfits.

They've come to this store often enough that the workers know to stay out of the way. Terezi's too focused in color, always burrowing her face between folds to take deeper breathes, and Dave runs his fingers across every bit of fabric, scoffing at low quality threads. They make a terrible team, but they know what they want and they aren't walking out of the store with anything less.

"That shade of green makes you look ill, and I thought you preferred pantsuits instead of skirts?"

Terezi puts the suit back on the hook. "I do, but I'm supposed to see the same judge three times next week and I'd like to throw in some variety."

Dave nods; it wouldn’t do any harm to have something new and different tucked away in the wardrobe. He sets to work then, taking his search a little more seriously. 

“You just sit tight, Tz. I’ll find something that’ll make their knees buckle.”

He digs through the layers of clothes while keeping sharp eyes focused on perfection.

Terezi’s about ready to give up hope when Dave finally walks over to her with arms full of bright fabric, and she rushes to the changing room while he tells her how each outfit should be layered.

They leave, hours later, with more shopping bags than they can manage to carry and Dave knows he’s probably spent his last two paychecks on a single shopping trip.

But he can’t find any reason to regret their purchases when Terezi flashes him a quick grin and offers to treat him to dinner.

\-- 

She fell asleep within the first hour of the car ride; half curled against the door, horns tapping on the glass of the window with every bump on the interstate. She mumbles a bit in her sleep, but they’re small whispers and far too quiet to actually make out.

John is turning around in his seat to look at her again. His face repeatedly morphs between a small smile and a nervous frown, and it isn’t too hard to figure out what he’s thinking.

It’s taken months, but she’s finally coming home.

Karkat thinks about all of the times John and he have been preparing for this single act: the constant communication with her foster parents, those first timid visits with her, and the actual finalization.

At a little over 3 sweeps, she’s a lot younger than what they were preparing for; far younger than Fionn at least. But he sees the way she holds herself. How her spine is almost too straight for a kid and her jaw is set tight, like she’s clamping down on her fangs because she’s ready to bite. But she’s trying so hard to hold herself back because she knows biting won’t do shit to make things better and she’s tougher than that. 

She’s tougher than all of this, but she’s just a damn kid, can’t you see?

Karkat thinks that it might have been her horns that drew him in first. Their points and curves reminded him far too much of his sickles and Karkat knew that this kid would be just as sharp. After getting to know her he realized that he wasn’t wrong, but he also wasn’t completely right either.

They’ve spent hours driving and Karkat’s more than grateful when he finally pulls into the driveway.

John almost leaps out of the car so he can open up the kid’s door and nudge her awake.

“Milla, honey, we’re here.”

She almost startles when she wakes up, but she composes herself quickly. John gives him a look over the roof the car and Karkat knows they’ll be talking about it later tonight once they’ve put her to bed.

Milla takes her time getting out of the car. She’s slow and deliberate, like she’s planning every action out in her bed before executing it, and Karkat wonders what’s going on in that headspace.

John lays a hand on her shoulder and leads her to the front door while pointing out all of the flowers in their lawn ring. She nods at his words, but her eyes keep glancing to the front door like she’s almost nervous to enter it.

It hurts to see her view their house as a source of anxiety, so Karkat eases himself into a crouch beside her and he waits until she looks at him.

“This is your home now, okay, so how about we take a tour of the inside?”

He tries to keep his voice soft, but he can’t tell if he’s doing a good job. She nods and there’s a small bit of relief poking through her nervousness.

She follows them inside and John steps them through all of the rooms. He’s thorough; explaining every tiny trinket and photo, but Milla seems almost intrigued and Karkat lets them continue.

They save her room for last and she stares at her walls and her bed, and Karkat hopes that she’s realizing that all of this is hers now.

“We didn’t really know what color to paint it, so we can go shopping for new colors and a different set of bed covers if you’d like. Does that sound good, Milla?”

She lets out a short ‘yes’ and John nods before asking if she’d like something to eat.

Karkat waves to John before heading back to the car to bring in Milla’s extra bags that wouldn’t fit in her sylladex. She didn’t take too much from her foster home and Karkat thinks they’ll be shopping for more than just paint and blankets soon.

He knows why she’s clamming up and trying to act like all of this doesn’t really matter, but, fuck, he wants John to be happy about this.

He won’t regret adopting Milla; he won’t because he knows how much she needs them and how much they can help, but the only thing he wants to see right now is John acting like a big smiling dad while holding their new daughter.

But by the way things are going, Karkat doesn’t think he’ll see that image come to life for months, or maybe even years.

And he knows he can’t rush affection; it took long enough for Milla to let them in as far as she has right now (which is a lot better than how her foster parents fared), but Karkat’s ready to have his small and happy family and he’s not going to giving up.

\- 

John’s been rushing about the house for the last few hours trying to get everything ready, and even though Karkat’s offered to help several times, John just shushes him and makes him sit back on the couch.

Milla had joined him a little while ago and Karkat offers to click on the television to pass the time.

They sit together while flipping through channels, pausing on ones that might be interesting, but Milla keeps shaking her head and Karkat has to agree that there’s actually nothing good to watch.

He’s about ready to bring out the movie collection when there’s a pounding on the door accompanied by a chorus of clicks and snaps, and Karkat knows it’s time to start.

John’s already opening the door with an excited “Crabdad!” by the time Milla and Karkat join them. 

Crabdad walks through the door, letting Karkat know that there’s a fresh carcass laying in the driveway. Karkat knows he reminded Crabdad that they didn’t need any carcasses, they had plenty of meat already, but he knows it was a thoughtful gesture and at least Crabdad didn’t try to drag it inside like last time.

John leads them into the dining room and tells them that Dad is on his way, and Karkat heads outside to store the carcass in his sylladex so he can properly prepare it later.

Dad’s pulling into the driveway by the time Karkat gets everything squared away and he invites the man in before taking him into the dining room with the others.

John jumps up and greets Dad and the two of them head into the kitchen to bring out lunch.

It’s a good meal and Karkat knows that John has put a lot of effort into it. He reaches over to help Milla cut at her meat so she doesn’t resort to tearing at it with her fangs. She thanks him and he pats her shoulder as she starts eating again.

He’s surprised that Crabdad is trying to be neat while eating. He knows John wouldn’t mind if Crabdad made a mess (Karkat, do you actually see the size of those claws? He can’t even hold a fork, let alone a knife!), but Karkat makes a mental note to thank Crabdad later.

“So, Milla, are you all ready for school?”

She looks up from her plate and focuses on Dad. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Well, don’t be afraid to ask your teachers for help, okay? They’re good adults and they’ll take care of you.”

Milla nods and returns to eating and Karkat sees how Dad observes her, but John’s quick to fill in the quiet gaps and lunch continues without a problem.

He’s tucking Milla into bed when she starts to cry, and Karkat had been counting down the seconds when he knew it was going to happen.

She doesn’t say anything at first; she just takes large gulps of air and holds them in as the tears fall from her face. He’s almost worried she’ll suffocate herself at this rate so he crouches next to her bed and waits it out.

He doesn’t know when he started talking, whispering gentle words in non-sense phrases, but her breathing calms and eventually she whispers back.

“I want to go home.”

Fuck, he knows she does. He sees it in her eyes every day; how she stares out the windows and into the streets. She’s probably trying to figure out the best way to walk back, but he knows it would be pointless.

“You’re lusus is gone, Milla. That’s why John and I are here.”

She starts crying again and shakes her head. “No no, I want my lusus now.”

He can’t give her that, and he knows that right now John and he mean nothing to her, not really; not when compared to lusus she'd had to bury.

But he scoots into the bed and tucks his arm under her head and promises that he’ll do what he can to make up for what she’s lost.

\--

There’s a distinct scent of burnt metal settled in the air and a heavy weight held in the loose grip of her fingers. 

They’re comforting and familiar and she almost thinks that her body was made specifically for moments like this; olfactory senses and airways crafted for carrying such smells; fingers and palms, shoulders and arms, each sculpted to form a perfect fit around her weapon.

It all feels too natural, as if any moment spent away from these stimuli is time thrown away and uncherished. 

Her hunting rifle is secured between her body, snuggly held between deltoid and cheek bone, and she is ready.

“Pull!”

A snap sounds off behind her, but she doesn’t even hear it. Her eyes have already tracked her target and her finger squeezes the trigger before her brain is even aware that she’s made the decision. 

There’s a crack and a fresh release of gunpowder invades her senses again.

Above her, black and orange pieces shatter and fall, littering the ground below with sharp edges and small accomplishments.

“Now that’s my girl, Jade!” Grandpa’s calling her from behind, clapping at another successful shot. “Perfect form and execution every time. Why I’m even starting to wonder where you learned all of this?”

“From you, of course!” she calls back, throwing her gun on safety-mode before hooking it in the crook of her arm, “Your lessons about the thrill of the hunt sunk in further than you think.”

He laughs and waves her over for another drink. “Good hunters must stay well hydrated, my dear.”

“You’re just constantly thirsty, Grandpa.” 

“Ah, well, that might be the case, but the sun is awful hot this morning and I don’t want to sling you over my shoulders to carry you back to the house.” He pours her a cup of sun tea from the jug, dark brown and sticky sweet.

Bec whines at their feet and Grandpa lays a hand on his head, ruffling the fur between his great ears. “Alright, maybe I’d actually throw you over this brute’s shoulders instead.” 

Bec barks at his words as if agreeing to such terms and Jade can almost see the picture playing out in her head. Bec would probably teleport her back to her bedroom before Grandpa would be able to pick her up, and the thought makes her laugh.

“You don’t have to worry; I’m feeling just fine,” she says, offering her empty cup back for another re-fill. “Look, see, I’m getting all the hydration I need to stay healthy under the sun.”

“Such a smart granddaughter I have! How did I turn out so blessed?” He pats the chair beside him, invoking her to sit down and cool off longer. She’s glad he’s been extra careful about his health these last several years, even if the care does transfer to her and Feferi as well. But precaution and a smart attitude never did a person wrong and Jade can find few reasons to complain.

“Hehe, good luck, I guess!” 

They talk for a while longer and Jade eventually finishes off the tea and stands before heading back over to her range.

“How many clay pigeons do we have left?” she calls, while loading more bullets into her rifle.

There’s a small pause as Grandpa counts through the set, “Enough to finish off the morning. Keep those hands steady, my girl, and you’ll have the rest of these bastards shot dead without fail.”

-

She’s tucked away in the atrium again. The wave petunias have overgrown their pots, drowning the veronicas beneath their soft pinks and light purples, and her hands are buried deep in soil, fertilizer, and flowers.

There’s a bowl of mandarin oranges beside her, one that’s slowly emptied over these past few hours. Music is playing overhead, spilling from her speakers in steady beats, and she can almost see how the flowers and leaves and fruits sway in time.

Furbot walks between the aisles and his eyes keep shining as he collects more information about plant varieties. She finished his production only a few days ago, after having lost a large amount of production time to her commitment to the Denizen Quest.

His metal snout pushes against the flowers in her arms and Jade wonders when it will be safe to send Furbot out on solo expeditions. It might take months to gauge his intelligence and ability to react to different stimuli and situations, but he would be such a handy companion to have available.

“Look at these, Furry,” she says, watching as his eyes focus on the flowers in her hands, “these are known as hedgiflora.”

He repeats the word, giving it a slight metal twang, and Jade wonders if she’s going to need to update his language program to make him more understandable. But for only a few days of operating, he’s making good progress.

“Good boy, Furry!”

She pats his head and he turns and wanders off to investigate the other aisles. She’ll leave him running for now, giving him as much time as he needs to learn how to change data into reactions.

The transportalizer starts to shine in the corner of Jade’s vision and she looks away from Furbot to see who’s arrived.

"There you are, Jade!" Feferi says, walking off of the pedestal. "I've been wandering around this whole hive looking just for you. You forgot about your promise, didn't you?"

Jade holds up her hand, wiggling the finger with the tyrian purple string tied around it. "No, I did not. I have approximately seven minutes before I was _supposed_ to meet you, but I guess some of us have no patience."

"I do too have patience," Feferi says, crossing her arms, "I'm just really excited, and you should be too!!"

"Hehe, alright, I guess am pretty excited." Feferi swings her arms up at that, giving a little cheer. "But you have to help me pack up while I finish transplanting this last petunia if you want to leave soon."

"I'm already on it!"

It only takes three minutes of rushed work before Feferi is dragging Jade by the arm to the transportalizer and out of the house.

The breeze is chilly and the moon isn’t as bright as Jade would prefer, but it is still a beautiful night. She can barely see the waves rocking back and forth as her eyes adjust, but she knows this beach by heart and doesn’t hesitate to walk towards the water, stripping off her clothes in the process.

Feferi is at her side, cheerfully clapping her hands together by the time their toes touch the water.

They walk in as far as they can before ducking down and swimming the rest of the way out. There’s no real destination or purpose, only the feel of the water winding its way between their bodies.

They take their time while floating through the water, spread out on their backs while breathing in the sweet salt of the air and watching the stars slowly move across the sky. It makes Jade think, and even sometimes worry.

“How long do you think we’ll stay like this?”

Feferi turns her head to look at Jade, “Well, I guess until your silly human body prunes up and you can’t stand to swim any longer.”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Jade says after letting out a short laugh. “I meant, how long do you think we’ll be able to continue enjoying ourselves like this? You know, like, freely traveling and taking the time to go on midnight swims and not having to worry about all of those other responsibilities?”

“As long as you want, Jade. I’m all for keeping up what we’re doing.”

“But, do you think we’re ever going to have kids?”

Jade doesn’t know where the question came from. Maybe because she’s grown so used to stopping by to play with Karmini or maybe because John and Karkat have been pestering her non-stop about Milla. She’s not really for sure, and it surprises her.

“Are you wanting little grubs?”

“I don’t know.” And she really doesn’t, but she feels like the question has been eating away at her for too long now; always at the back of her mind with no solid answer to give. “I just, I mean, I love looking at all of these cute kids. And watching them grow and change has been so fun. But do you think we’d be good at that sort of thing?”

“Hmm, I think we could make it work if we wanted to. But, really, I’m okay with just being with you.” Feferi presses a kiss against her cheek and Jade laughs as the gills tickle the lobe of her ear. “You’re the person who makes me the most happy, Jade.”

“I don’t want to hold you back though. If you want to have kids, then tell me because I’ll be right there with you.”

Feferi sweeps her arm under Jade’s shoulders, pulling them closer together. “I’m okay like this, but I promise to tell you if I ever change my mind.”

“Okay, but only as long as you promise.”

They lay on the water for hours after that, whispering against the background of the waves about what awaits them in the future and what they’ve overcome in the past. 

They stay floating, long past the point where Jade’s skin wrinkles and her body tires, but Feferi keeps her afloat, keeping her secure in her embrace, and Jade never doubts her safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's another side story called "John: Remember" if you'd like to learn more about what happened with Fionn.
> 
> Also, I really want to play a game called "guess what animal Milla's lusus was" but I don't know if anyone would win besides me.


End file.
